


Homeward Journey

by apolesen



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Cardassians with tails, Children, F/F, F/M, Family, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Mentions of Mental Illness, Polyamory, Post-Canon, Reluctant Friendship, post-canon fixit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-07
Updated: 2018-07-09
Packaged: 2019-06-06 17:13:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 21,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15199583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/apolesen/pseuds/apolesen
Summary: A year since the O’Briens uprooted on their lives at DS9, leaving Julian and Nerys on the station, the last person they expect to see on Earth turns up at their door – Garak, a quadrant away from his home planet for no apparent reason.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to A and D for betaing.

A few minutes before, the street would have been quiet and empty. Now, it was filled with the sound of children. They stood in pairs and groups, their blazers blots of green against the brickwork of the school building, waiting to be picked up. At the gates, away from the others stood a girl, already with her bike at her side and her purple helmet on.

Miles saw how she waved as soon as he came around the corner. From the seat on the back of his bike, Yoshi shouted ‘Molly!’ and waved back enthusiastically. 

‘Hello Yoshi! Hello dad!’ she said. 

‘Hello, sweetheart!’ Miles braked in and waited for her to get onto her bike. ‘Good day?’ 

‘It was okay,’ she said.

‘Come on, then,’ he said. Molly kicked her pedals into the right position and cycled off. Miles followed close behind. 

It was a short ride to their street, where they locked up the bikes just outside one of the Edwardian houses. The children were first up the steps and stood impatiently waiting for their father to unlock the door. When he did they rushed in, dropping their bags in the hallway and forcing him to shout after them to put them on the hooks. 

It was probably his imagination, or maybe a result of the children getting bigger, but Miles thought that since moving to Earth, they had become louder and wilder. On Deep Space Nine, they had lived four, sometimes five people in three rooms. After their move to Dublin a year ago, they now had an entire house to fill. At first, all of them had been restrained in how much space they used. Even Yoshi, who was just turning three, had used to keep toys as well-packed as possible. It had been Molly who had first broken out of the constraints they had imposed on themselves, and started treating the living-room as something of an outdoor space. Yoshi had soon followed, learning the art of fort-building and hide-and-seek from his sister. 

When Miles came into the living room after them, Yoshi had already got out his box of toy dinosaurs. Molly had sat down on the floor with her maths homework, but pushed it aside and reached for the finely plumed triceratops. Immediately, she started making it chase Yoshi’s deinonychus. 

‘Wrong! This one chases!’ he objected. 

Molly just shouted: 

‘Revenge of the herbivores!’ 

Yoshi made his dinosaur run away, laughing and protesting in a mix of Irish and Japanese. Miles stopped to watch them for a moment before climbing the stairs. The door to Keiko’s study was half open. Chamber music drifted out into the hallway. Keiko was sitting at her desk, humming along to the music and writing something down. Miles knocked on the open door. She looked up, surprised. 

‘Hello,’ she said and smiled. ‘I didn’t hear you come home.’ 

‘Just got through the door,’ he said. ‘You’re missing the revenge of the herbivores downstairs.’ Coming up behind her, he put his hands on her shoulders. ‘You’re still at it?’ 

‘Yes. I’ve finalised the title.’ She scrolled up to show him. 

‘“Ecological adaptations of _Toradaris Nerysia_ and implications for colonisation of the Torad System”. Sounds impressive.’ He looked at the framed picture on the desk. In it, Kira Nerys was holding a potted sapling of her namesake tree. Keiko was standing behind her, arms wrapped around her waist. ‘You could add that as an illustration,’ he said. She rolled her eyes. ‘Ever thought of naming something after me?’ 

‘As soon as you help me find something, I will,’ she said, leaned back and kissed him. 

‘Just let’s make sure it’s something good. The closest I’ve come is the time Julian threatened to name some insect after me. I managed to talk him out of it, thank God.’ 

‘An insect isn’t so bad,’ Keiko said. 

‘It was some kind of big, Bajoran horsefly. It was disgusting.’ 

Keiko laughed. 

‘What had you done?’ 

‘Why are you assuming I did anything? 

‘Because he threatened to name a horsefly after you.’ 

‘I spilled coffee on his copy of the _Rubaiyat_.’ 

Keiko stared, still laughing. 

‘You never told me that.’ 

‘No. It was a beautiful copy too. Gilded edges and illustrations and a reading ribbon and everything.’ 

‘Sounds like it’d served you right to have a horsefly namesake.’ 

‘Dax and I managed to get the coffee off it. It took us about a fortnight in the station lab, but then it was as good as new. And by then he’d almost forgotten it.’ 

Keiko looked like she might cry from laughter. 

‘Sure, laugh at my misery.’ 

‘I don’t feel sorry for you, Miles,’ she said, getting control over herself. He smiled. 

‘Why don’t you come downstairs?’ he said. ‘You’ve been cooped up here all day.’ 

‘I’m almost done with this section, and I have so much teaching next week…’ 

‘Alright.’ Miles kissed her on the cheek. She looked grateful. 

‘Thanks.’ 

He left her to her work, closing the door behind her so the dinosaur battle which was raging downstairs would not disturb her. He was halfway down the stairs when he heard the doorbell chime. 

‘ _Doaberu_!’ Yoshi said. 

‘Daddy, someone’s at the door!’ Molly shouted. The doorbell chimed again. Miles hurried down the stairs. 

‘Coming!’ 

They were not expecting visitors, but it might be a neighbour or some delivery. By the time he reached the door, the doorbell chimed again. 

‘Hold your horses!’ he called, unlocking the door. He opened the door and came face to face with the last person he had expected to see in Dublin. The broad-shouldered Cardassian looked at him over a pair of round sunglasses with a perplexed scowl.

‘My horses? What does that even mean?’ 

Miles gaped. It took him a moment before he was able to speak.

‘What are you doing here, Garak?’ 

‘I was in the neighbourhood,’ said Garak.

‘Last I heard you were on Cardassia Prime!’ 

‘Obviously I’m not anymore,’ he said. ‘Are you going to invite me inside? It’s terribly bright out here.’ 

Miles hesitated, still shocked. Then he said, ‘Come in,’ and stepped aside. Garak picked up the suitcase at his feet and stepped inside. 

‘Ah that’s better,’ he said, took his sunglasses off and blinked a few times. Miles was just about to ask, again, what he was doing there, but the sound of Molly and Yoshi coming around the corner stopped him. Before he had time to announce their guest, she came into the hall. She shrieked, and for a short moment, her father thought it was of fear. Instead of running away, she charged at the Cardassian and threw her arms around his legs. 

‘Garaaak!’

Garak laughed and picked her up, setting her on his arm. 

‘Hello there, pet,’ he said and booped her nose. ‘Hello there, Kirayoshi. Do you remember me?’ 

‘Dinosaur!’ Yoshi said. ‘Tail!’

‘Well, one out of two. I suppose it’s a pass,’ Garak said, putting Molly down. Miles suppressed a sigh. Instead, he called out: 

‘Keiko! Come down here!’ He took Molly by the hand, trying to keep her at his side. She stuck her tongue out, pulled her hand out of his grip and turned to Garak.

‘Did you bring presents?’ she asked. 

‘I’m afraid not. I should have thought of that.’ 

Giving up on keeping Molly in check, Miles scooped up Yoshi, who was pulling at Garak’s tail. 

‘Keiko!’ he shouted.

‘On my way!’ 

He could hear her on the stairs now. He did not look away from Garak, who watched him intently, tilting his head. The tip of his tongue stuck out for a second to taste the air. Miles held his gaze. He could not show how his heart was racing and his shirt suddenly stuck to his back. 

Keiko turned the corner. Her eyes grew. 

‘Garak! What a surprise!’

‘What a delight to see you, Professor O’Brien,’ he said, taking her hand and kissing it. She smiled, embarrassed but flattered. 

‘Why don’t you come in?’ she said. Molly pushed past them and ran into the living room. 

‘Thank you,’ Garak said. Miles followed him closely, holding Yoshi close despite his squirming. Keiko gestured to Garak to take a seat on the sofa and asked: 

‘What brings you to Earth?’ 

‘Oh, this and that,’ he said airily. ‘But it feels like a good reason to drop in on my friends.’ 

‘Would you like some tea?’ 

‘That would be wonderful.’ 

Keiko took Yoshi out of Miles’ arms and put him down. He approached Garak, clearly fascinated by the alien. Molly had climbed onto the sofa with her drawing book. 

‘Look Garak! I drew Deep Space Nine!’ 

‘Oh so you have,’ Garak said, looking at the drawing. ‘It is _very_ true to life.’ 

Keiko pressed Miles’ arm. 

‘Why don’t you entertain our guest, and I’ll make us some tea?’ She gave him a meaningful look and mouthed what he thought was “be nice”. He rolled his eyes but mouthed back “alright”. He sat down in the other sofa and watched Molly turn the pages in her drawing book. 

‘And there’s me, and Yoshi,’ Molly said. ‘And mummy and daddy, and that’s Odo and Auntie Nerys, and Julian.’ 

‘That’s very good,’ Garak said. 

‘And that’s Chester. But I couldn’t find my grey pen so he’s green instead. He’s not really green.’ 

‘I think you solved the problem very well,’ Garak said, studying her drawing with a smile. 

‘Have you met Chester?’ 

‘I have.’ 

‘Have you been to see him on DS9?’ she asked eagerly. 

‘I’m afraid not.’ 

She sighed, disappointed. 

‘I miss Chester,’ she said. Then, the cat forgotten, she put down her book and got down from the sofa. ‘I’m going to go get my pens.’ 

She left the room at a run, climbing the stairs faster than Miles felt was safe. Garak seemed not to realise that there was any need for concern. He leaned back and gave a contented sigh. 

‘I must say, this is a very comfortable home,’ he said, looking around. ‘I usually don't have much time for Federation interior decorating, but this is not too bad.’

‘Yeah, it’s... nice,’ Miles said, feeling tongue-tied. Yoshi picked up Garak’s tail and dropped it, laughing at the thump. ‘Yoshi, come over here.’

‘Oh I don't mind,’ Garak said. He swished his tail, making Yoshi jump, his eyes wide with excitement. Yoshi took hold of the tip of the tail. Garak shook his hand. Yoshi shrieked with laughter. Miles grinned, unable not to. Meanwhile, Garak looked around the room again.

‘It's rather bare, though, isn’t it? It doesn’t feel very lived in.’

‘We've only lived here for a year.’ There were still things they had not unpacked.

‘And how are you finding it?’ Garak said, pinning his eyes on him. Miles looked back defensively.

‘It couldn’t be better.’

Just then, Molly came thundering back down the stairs and Keiko entered from the kitchen with a tea tray. Garak got up.

‘Let me.’

‘Nonono, you’re the guest,’ Keiko said. ‘Sit.’

‘Very well.’ He sat back down.

‘Molly, honey, you can’t draw on the table right now,’ Keiko said. ‘We're having tea.’

‘But I was going to draw a picture for Garak!’

Garak leaned over to Molly.

‘It can wait, pet.’

She sighed.

‘Fiiine.’ She went over to Miles and sat down beside him. 

‘How long have you been on Earth, Garak?’ Keiko asked, pouring the tea. 

‘A few hours, at most,’ he said, accepting the cup which she handed to him.

‘And you came here first of all? That’s sweet of you.’

‘Nothing makes a strange place easier to like than familiar faces,’ Garak said and smiled. 

Keiko smiled back.

‘Well I hope you’ll like it,’ she said.

‘Do you have business in Paris?’ Miles said. He had meant to sound casual, but the look Keiko shot him made him realise that he had sounded quite accusatory.

‘I’m not at liberty to say, Chief,’ Garak said, then raised a clawed finger and said: ‘Ah, but it’s not Chief anymore, is it? Professor. That must be quite the change.’

‘It’s different,’ he said.

Keiko smiled at Miles.

‘I think he hasn’t gotten used to it yet,’ she said. ‘I’ve seen people shout “professor O’Brien” after him and he doesn’t react.’

Garak smiled. Miles wanted to sink through the couch and disappear.

‘Are you going to be a professor too?’ Molly asked. Garak chuckled. 

‘I’d make a very bad professor, Molly.’ 

‘You could be a professor of making dresses.’ 

‘I could.’ 

‘I’m too tall for my princess dresses,’ Molly said. ‘Can you make me some new ones?’ 

‘We’ll see.’ 

Molly looked over at Keiko.

‘Can I draw my picture now?’ 

‘Alright, honey.’ 

Molly jumped off the sofa and sat down by the coffee table with her pens. She chewed her lip, thought about it and started working. Soon, she put her pen down and held out the paper to Garak. 

‘Look! I wrote your name.’

‘So you did!’ Garak said and took it from her hands. She sat down beside him. ‘Now that one I know,’ he said, pointing at something on the paper, ‘but what is this?’ 

‘That’s your name too. But it’s in Japanese.’ 

‘Oh I see,’ he said. ‘You have quite a talent.’ 

Carefully, he placed it on the table. 

‘If I may…’ He took one of her pens and a clean piece of paper. Molly leaned closer to watch what he was doing. With a few confident swipes of the pen, he was done. ‘There.’ He handed her the paper. ‘That is your name, in Cardassian.’ 

‘It’s pretty,’ she beamed. 

‘Yes, I’d like to think so.’ 

He gave her back her pen. 

‘I’m going to draw you now,’ she said and started drawing. Garak smiled and, careful not to put it on the papers, he set his cup down on the table. When he spoke, he addressed Keiko. 

‘May I use your comm unit?’ 

‘Of course,’ Keiko said. 

‘It’ll be subspace, I’m afraid.’ 

‘Don’t worry about it,’ she said. ‘It’s in the kitchen.’ 

Garak inclined his head in thanks and left. When the door closed behind him, Keiko leaned forward and whispered: 

‘Why are you being so rude?’ 

‘Why are you being so welcoming?’ Miles replied.

‘What else am I supposed to do?’ Keiko asked. ‘Give him the third degree in front of the children?’

‘It’s not unreasonable, wondering why he’s here,’ Miles said. ‘He didn’t just pop over.’ 

‘Why are you assuming it’s something devious?’ she asked. 

‘Because it’s him.’ 

Molly looked up from her drawing. 

‘What does “devious” mean?’ she asked, eyes moving from one parent to the other. Then, when no answer came, she shrugged and said: ‘It’s okay. I’ll ask Garak. He knows lots of words.’ 

Miles covered his face with his hand and groaned.

***

It was without doubt the oddest evening they had spent in this house. Soon after Garak arrived, it turned out that he had nowhere to stay, his arrangements having fallen through because of some clerical error, or so he said. Miles was not convinced, but Keiko sent him to fix the guest room nevertheless.

Dinner had seemed like the right time to press Garak on why he was there, but all his answers, when he bothered to give them, were evasive. Instead, Miles and Keiko did most of the talking. It disturbed Miles how deftly Garak manipulated them into discussing their new life on Earth. He told him about teaching at the Academy, from the fellow staff to his own ideas of how to improve the engineering curriculum. Keiko talked at length about her appointment at Cambridge and her attempts to integrate botany and exobotany in the department. When the topic of their professional lives was exhausted, Garak asked about how they liked Dublin and the arrangements for the children’s schooling.

They had put Yoshi to bed already. The excitement of the visit had tired him out. Molly was still up, sitting at the table with the adults, but she did not speak. Miles thought that she was simply tired or bored, and was glad she had forgotten her question about the word “devious”. Halfway through the meal, however, she put her head down on the table and sighed deeply. 

‘What’s the matter, sweetheart?’ Miles asked. 

‘I don’t like it here,’ she said into the table. 

‘As soon as you’ve eaten your dinner, you can go to your room.’ 

‘No, not here. _Here_.’ She sat up straight, looking both sad and angry. ‘I want to go home.’ 

Keiko reached out to stroke her hair, but Molly dodged her. 

‘I miss Chester, and Aunt Nerys, and Julian. And Nog and Jake. And Odo.’ 

The adults looked at each other, the three of them allies all of a sudden. 

‘We miss them too,’ Keiko said softly. 

‘Then why can’t we go home?’ 

Miles bit his lip. 

‘We _are_ home,’ he said. Molly’s face crumpled up and she started crying. For a moment, Miles felt completely helpless. Then he got to his feet. ’Okay, time for bed,’ he said gently. Molly made a complaining noise, but when he took her hand, she followed him without arguing. As he helped her get ready for bed, he wondered how he had missed how exhausted she was. He expected her to fall asleep as soon as she lay down, but when he had tucked her in, she looked more alert than before. 

‘Why do we have to be here, daddy?’ 

‘Both mummy and I have jobs here now,’ he said. Molly snorted with displeasure. 

‘It’s not fair.’ 

Miles put his elbows on his knees and looked at her. 

‘What is it about Earth you don’t like?’ 

She shrugged. 

‘Is someone mean at school?’ 

‘No,’ she muttered. ‘I just don’t like it. It’s not DS9.’ 

‘It’s not,’ he agreed. Molly sat up. 

‘Don’t you miss it?’ 

‘I do,’ he said. ‘But I like Earth. And it’s safer here.’ 

She hung her head. 

‘Earth is stupid.’ 

‘Molly, language.’ 

‘Sorry.’ She picked up her Bajoran doll and hugged it. ‘Is Garak going to live with us, daddy?’ 

‘No, he’s not,’ Miles said. ‘He’s just visiting for a few days.’ 

‘Can Julian come live with us? And bring Chester?’ 

Miles smiled. 

‘Julian can’t leave Deep Space Nine,’ he said. ‘And Chester doesn’t like travelling.’ 

‘Why can’t he leave? Is he not allowed to?’ Molly asked. ‘Is it because he has funny genes?’ 

‘No, it’s just that he has an important job,’ Miles said. 

‘Does Aunt Nerys have an important job?’ 

‘Yes, very.’ 

She pouted and repeated:

‘It’s not fair.’ 

‘It’s not,’ Miles agreed. ‘How about this? Tomorrow, we can try calling Aunt Nerys and talk to her.’ 

Molly nodded. 

‘Okay.’ 

‘Okay,’ Miles said. ‘But now it’s time to sleep.’ 

Placated, Molly lay down and hugged her doll closer. Miles pulled her duvet up a little higher and kissed her on the head. 

‘Sweet dreams, Molly.’ 

‘Sweet dreams, daddy.’ 

He left quietly, leaving the door open a crack to let the light in. At the top of the stairs he paused and took out his personal comm. His heart sank when he saw that he had no new messages. He called up a blank message and typed: 

_– How are things? All fine here._

With a quick set of commands, he sent the message to Julian. He told himself that what he was doing was not lying. Everything was fine here, at least mostly. He had not known what else to say. There was no way to casually mention that your boyfriend’s boyfriend had turned up at your house without warning. He did not have the strength to explain difficult, complicated things right now. All he wanted to do was to hear from Julian. It was only a few hours into the shift right now, so he would probably not answer for a long time. In an attempt to quench the longing, he opened the gallery of pictures Julian had sent him. There was the odd picture from Quark’s, quite a few of Chester, and a lot of Julian himself. He opened an image he had sent last week. Julian was looking into the lens, smiling. He was holding up Chester with one hand behind his front legs, but the cat would have none of it and had twisted its head just as the shutter closed. Julian had written when he sent it that he hoped it could be seen as artistic instead of a failure. Miles had responded that this was an extreme example of his optimism. In reality, he quite liked the picture. It was an excellent portrait of Julian. Looking at it was comforting. 

Molly was right. Earth was stupid. But Miles had meant what he had said too. There had been too many close calls over the past eight years. He needed to keep his family safe, and this was the place best suited for it. That more than anything was why he had accepted the job at the academy. Now, Keiko had a good job and was happy. Yoshi loved the new kindergarten. Molly was still adjusting, but in general she was enjoying it, and she would grow accustomed to it. This was where they were supposed to be. _This is where we should be,_ he repeated to himself. 

There were footsteps in the hallway under the landing. Keiko appeared on the bottom of the stair, looking up at him. 

‘Everything okay?’ 

‘Yes,’ he said, putting the comm back in his pocket and descending the stairs. ‘She’s in bed.’ 

‘Good.’

‘I said we could call Nerys tomorrow.’ 

‘That sounds like a good idea,’ Keiko said and smiled. ‘I haven’t talked to her since last week.’ 

‘Well then,’ Miles said. ‘You should be the one to call.’ 

She squeezed his arm. 

‘Thank you.’ 

‘Of course,’ he said. 

‘Have you been in touch with Julian recently?’ 

‘Yes. I just sent him a message.’ 

‘Did you mention…?’ She nodded towards the dining room. Miles swallowed. 

‘No,’ he admitted. ‘I don’t know what he’s doing here.’

Keiko frowned. 

‘Don’t you think he deserves to know Garak’s here?’ she said quietly. ‘Whatever the reason?’ 

‘Well yes, but…’ He shrugged. ‘I just want to know what’s going on first.’ 

Keiko let go of him and made a gesture to show that this was not the time or the place. 

‘Let’s go back.’ 

‘Alright,’ he said. ‘I just need to check something.’ 

Not waiting to explain, he made his way to the kitchen. He should come up with an excuse – getting a glass of water for Molly, perhaps – but in the end he didn’t bother. He crossed to the stationary comm and activated the screen. It took only a few taps to call up the call-logs. When he saw the first digits in the latest subspace comm-code, he realised that he had hoped he was wrong. Instead, his suspicions had been confirmed. The call Garak had made had been to Cardassia Prime. 

He returned to the dinner table, far too tense to eat much. Instead, he remained silent and listened as Garak and Keiko discussed gardening. While they talked, Miles watched their guest. He looked every bit the cultured, courteous gentleman he so often presented himself as, but Miles still felt the hairs on his neck stand on end. He had appeared as if out of thin air, with no warning or explanation. Miles did not know much about the government on Cardassia now, only that it was a more or less Federation-backed attempt to placate all sides. Ironically, it was reminiscent of the provisional government of Bajor when he had first come to DS9. That meant that the people in power was a combination of genuine leaders and people drawn to power for the wrong reasons. In such a melange of pragmatists, opportunists and profiteers, there must be a place for spies. Whether Garak served the government or only a faction of it, Miles could not say, but his gut-instinct told him that he had not been truthful with them.

It was a relief when Garak put his napkin on the table and stood up.

‘Well, this has been delightful, but I’ve had a taxing day.’ 

Keiko and Miles got up too. 

‘Of course,’ Keiko said. ‘Is there anything else you need?’ 

‘No, but thank you, my dear.’ 

‘If your room isn’t warm enough, just turn the temperature up. There’s a thermostat panel by the door.’ 

‘I appreciate that.’ He gave a small bow in their direction. ‘Good night.’ 

‘Sleep well,’ Keiko said. 

‘Good night,’ Miles said. 

Garak left, still smiling ever so slightly. Desperate to distract himself, Miles started clearing the table before he was even out of the room. Keiko picked up the cast-iron pot and carried into the kitchen while he collected the plates. They cleaned up without talking, but there was something in the air. He could not tell if it as only the feeling that there were things to talk about, or whether Keiko was cross. She had good reason to. Miles was convinced that there was something not right about Garak turning up, but he had not been particularly pleasant. Still, it was a relief when she finally spoke and her tone had nothing of anger in it. 

‘I was thinking. It doesn’t seem right to just leave Garak here all on his own tomorrow.’ 

‘No,’ Miles agreed. ‘I suppose not.’ He felt that the problem was not so much leaving Garak on his own as leaving him _alone_. He did not trust him not to start sneaking around the house. Perhaps Keiko felt something similar, but he knew she would not say it. 

‘I only have my third-years tomorrow. I could be back here in the afternoon.’ 

‘Good.’ Miles went through his schedule in his head. The next few days were quite full, so much so that his plan was to stay in the modest apartment the Academy had rented for him in San Francisco. Now that did not feel like an option. 

‘I can send Donovan to the examiners’ meeting tomorrow, and T’Lar owes me a favour. She would probably take my lectures for the next days.’ 

‘What does that leave?’ 

‘The astromechanics seminar,’ he said. ‘Tomorrow, in the morning. The morning there, that is.’ 

‘So if you’re here in the morning, and I’ll be here in the afternoon…’ 

‘Sounds like a good idea.’ 

Keiko smiled a little. 

‘Good.’ 

Miles smiled back, but it felt half-hearted. The piece of information he had found out weighed heavy on him. Lowering his voice, he said: 

‘I checked the comm-logs.’ 

Keiko sighed. 

‘Why, Miles?’ 

‘I wanted to know who Garak was contacting. It was someone on Cardassia Prime.’ 

Keiko opened her mouth, as if to object, then closed it again. She tried to speak again. 

‘That doesn’t mean that there is something going on.’ 

‘No, but it’s not a leap that something is,’ he said. ‘It could be something dangerous, Keiko.’ 

‘We don’t know that,’ she said. ‘You’re making assumptions.’ 

The conversation paused as they left the kitchen and climbed upstairs. When they had reached the bedroom and closed the door, Miles said: 

‘This man used to torture people for a living. It’s not so strange that I’m worried, is it?’ 

‘That was a long time ago,’ Keiko said as she changed into her nightie. ‘There are lots of reasons he could here that aren’t sinister.’ She gave him a meaningful look and headed to the ensuite. Miles got into pyjamas. When he came into the bathroom, Keiko was already brushing her teeth. He restrained himself from talking for a while, but the need to explain his thinking was overwhelming. 

‘I just want to know what he’s up to.’ 

Keiko spat out the tooth-paste and rinsed the brush. 

‘Why do you think he’s “up to” anything? Apart from he was a spy about a decade ago?’ 

‘You can’t think he’s not?’ Miles said. ‘He just took a ten day trip and turned up at our doorstep, then called someone on Cardassia Prime. He must be here for a reason.’ 

Keiko shrugged. 

‘Perhaps he can’t talk about it. He said something along those lines.’ 

‘He was vague. “I’m not at liberty to say” my foot.’ 

‘Miles.’ She gave him a meaningful look.

He knew that when she said things in that tone, she thought he was being stupid. 

‘Look, I know I’m a bit on edge around him,’ he said. ‘But he’s killed people.’ 

‘ _You’ve_ killed people,’ Keiko said. 

‘That’s different,’ Miles said, not quite believing it himself. Thinking about the wars he had fought in made him feel a bit sick. ‘He tried to kill me once.’ 

‘And you tried to kill him right back,’ Keiko reminded him. ‘He was not in his right state of mind then. The inquest ruled that he couldn’t be held responsible.’ 

‘I know that.’ 

She folded her arms over her chest and looked at him meaningfully. 

‘I understand that you’re not comfortable around him, but you could at least try to trust him.’ 

Miles sighed. 

‘Easier said than done.’ 

‘What do you think he’s going to do – gobble up the children like some big dragon?’ 

‘Of course not,’ Miles said. ‘I just… wish I knew what was going on.’ 

‘Try this,’ Keiko said. ‘Julian trusts Garak, and you trust Julian. So if you can’t trust Garak himself, trust Julian not to be wrong about him.’ 

‘Julian is on the other side of the quadrant,’ Miles said glumly. ‘He can’t talk sense into Garak from the Bajoran sector.’ 

‘It’s not about talking sense into him. It’s knowing he’s not some kind of monster. You know full well that he can be very sweet. Julian loves him.’ 

‘Yes, and Julian also loves _raHt_ ,’ Miles said. ‘I don’t have to take his advice on everything.’ 

Keiko let her arms drop, giving up. 

‘Just try to be civil.’ 

She patted him on the cheek and went to bed.

***

Miles slept badly that night. For most of it, he left like he was stuck in a dream that he did not remember when he came to. He woke up once, around three in the morning, certain someone was at the door. Keiko, still asleep, grabbed his arm to calm him. Miles sat stock-still, waiting for the door to open. When it did, it was not Garak, as it had been in his nightmare, but Yoshi, who squeezed through the gap in the door, closed it carefully and got into bed between his parents. Miles pulled the duvet over him as he curled up on his side, forehead against his dad’s shoulder. He was already falling asleep. Miles lay awake for over an hour, unable to move without waking Yoshi. Finally, he fell asleep, but only plunged back into his vague dreams.

He woke again when Yoshi elbowed him in the stomach as he climbed over him. Reflexively, he held onto him until he was safely on the floor. 

‘Daddy, breakfast!’ Yoshi said and pulled at his hand. 

‘I’ll be down in a minute.’ 

Yoshi waddled out of the bedroom. Miles rolled onto his back and blinked a few times. From downstairs, he could hear Keiko in the kitchen. Last night’s events felt strange, almost dreamlike in their absurdity. He wondered if Garak was downstairs, having breakfast with the children, or if he was still in bed. After all, it was early. His impression of Garak was that of someone who did not sleep, but perhaps that was just how he wanted people to see him. There was probably some kind of tosh about the ever-vigilant eyes of the Obsidian Order. Suddenly, he felt angry at how easily Garak manipulated him. He had often seen his wariness as a good thing, but now it struck him that perhaps this was just what Garak wanted him to feel. Why he could not tell, but he had the distinct and unpleasant feeling that he was playing into Garak’s hands. 

With a grunt, he got out of bed, put on his dressing-gown and went downstairs. When he stepped into the kitchen, the oppressive feeling he had woken up with lifted. Keiko was at the workbench making tea. Molly was munching on her cereal, and Yoshi was trying to reach the juice. Miles took the container and poured a glass for him. 

‘Good morning, you,’ Keiko said and gave him a kiss on the cheek. 

‘Good morning.’ 

He sat down and held up his mug to her. 

‘Did you sleep well, Molly?’ he asked. Molly nodded. 

‘I dreamt that we had voles in the walls. They made funny noises and then they bit your toe.’ 

‘Voles?’ he said. 

She nodded. 

‘The big kind.’ 

‘Oh,’ he said, realising she did not mean Earth voles. Not for the first time, he reflected that the things he took for granted were not the same as Molly did. She had spent her entire life in space. When she said “vole”, she did not mean little mouse-like creatures that Miles had enjoyed watching in the field behind the house he grew up in. She thought of the large, naked rodents native to Cardassia Four which he had spent the best part of a year trying to rid Deep Space Nine of. 

‘That sounds scary.’ 

She shook her head. 

‘Not really.’ 

‘Are voles meanies?’ Yoshi asked, his juice clasped between his hands. 

‘Not on Earth,’ Miles said. ‘On Earth they’re cute.’ 

‘Can I see?’ he said, shining up. 

‘We can find a picture later,’ Keiko said. ‘It’s breakfast time now.’ 

Yoshi made a face but went back to his juice. With the children occupied, Miles turned to Keiko. 

‘No Garak yet?’ 

‘No. I suppose he’s sleeping in.’ 

‘Maybe,’ Miles said, not really believing it. 

The morning routine was probably the part of Earth that he found the most stressful, but today it was a welcome distraction. Miles made sure the children got dressed while Keiko showered and put on clothes. Then she sent them to brush their teeth and fix their packed lunches as Miles got ready. He took his uniform out of the wardrobe, but put on civvies. Being in uniform during the school-run felt odd to him. 

By the time he came outside, Molly and Kirayoshi were playacting something in the living-room and Keiko was packing folders, purse and PADDs that she needed for the day. 

‘I’ll be back by two,’ she said. ‘So I can pick up. Which shuttle are you taking?’ 

‘I was thinking the two-thirty.’

She thought for a moment, factoring in the time-difference. 

‘That’s cutting it a bit fine, in case there are delays.’ 

He shrugged. 

‘I’m sure it’ll be okay.’ 

She put her hand on his arm and looked him in the eyes. 

‘Miles, we can leave Garak on his own for one hour. He’s not going to raid the place.’ 

He sighed, frustrated. 

‘Fine. I’ll take the one-thirty.’ 

She smiled. 

‘Good.’ She closed her bag. ‘I need to run.’ They kissed, then she turned to the children. Miles watched as they hugged and said goodbye. On her way out, Keiko shot him a smile. He waved after her, watching as she put on her coat. She unlocked the door and, stepping through it, turned to blow him a kiss. Then she closed it behind her. Miles smiled to himself, feeling lucky that he had her. Then, shaking himself out of his thoughts, he turned to the children. 

‘Okay, kids, time to go in five minutes. Where are your backpacks? Do you have everything?’ 

‘Did mummy pack my PE kit?’ Molly asked. 

‘You have to check – you need to remember that yourself, honey,’ he told her. ‘Yoshi? Have you got your book-bag?’ 

Yoshi nodded. 

‘Good. Start getting your shoes on, and I’ll be down in just a second.’ 

‘Where are you going?’ Molly asked. 

‘I need to get my keys.’ 

It was not a lie – they were on his bedside table – but it was not really why he went upstairs. When he had grabbed his keys, he did not go back downstairs, but instead headed across the landing, to the guest room. He could see no light through the gap under the door. When he knocked, there was no reply. He paused for a few moments, then, carefully, he turned the handle. If Garak was asleep, he would leave. If he was not, he had given him ample warning. 

What he had not expected was to find the room empty and the bed made. His first instinct was to go to the window and see if it was still locked. Halfway across the room, he heard a sound from the en suite. It was a small, constant splashing. The light was not turned on, however. 

‘Garak?’ he called out. 

‘What are you doing in my room, Professor?’ said Garak’s disembodied voice through the door. ‘I’m in the bath.’ 

‘Oh, sorry,’ Miles called back. ‘I just wanted to let you know that I’m going to drop Molly and Yoshi off at school. I should be back in half an hour.’ 

‘Very well.’ 

Miles, not knowing quite what more to say, left and closed the door behind them. When he came into the hallway, Molly and Yoshi were both wearing their shoes and jackets, and keeping busy by making faces at each other. He ushered them out of the house, claiming they were running late. 

Dropping them off at their respective schools did not take long, and the sense of embarrassment had not quite worn off when he returned home. As soon as he stepped inside the door, he was aware that Garak was in the kitchen. He had not expected him to look quite so domestic where he sat at the kitchen table eating toast. 

‘Ah, Professor,’ he said and wiped his hands on his napkin. ‘Good morning.’ 

‘I wish you’d stop calling me that,’ Miles said and stepped into the kitchen. 

‘It wouldn’t really be accurate to call you “Chief” anymore, would it?’ 

‘It feels better than “Professor”,’ Miles said. ‘Professor O’Brien is my wife.’ 

Garak chuckled.

‘So she did not lie yesterday. You really aren’t used to your new title.’ 

‘I’m not.’ He weighed from one foot to the other. ‘I’m sorry about before.’ 

‘No matter,’ Garak said. ‘I was trying to warm up. The temperature is too cold for me, and the thermostat was a thing of mystery.’ 

‘It’s a bit temperamental,’ Miles said. ‘Pun intended. I’ll have a look at it, if you don’t mind me going in there.’ 

‘I wouldn’t.’ Garak gestured at a nearby chair. ‘Won’t you sit?’ 

‘I have coursework to mark,’ he said quickly. ‘I’m teaching this afternoon.’ 

‘In San Francisco? That must be quite a trip,’ Garak said. 

‘Not really. I go by ballistic shuttle. It takes an hour and forty-five minutes, roughly.’ 

‘Ah I see. That kind of technology has not been adopted on Cardassia. The air pollution is too extreme.’ He smiled sadly. ‘And of course, as things are, advanced technology is something of a luxury.’ 

That caught Miles off-guard. He had been so concentrated on whatever devious reason Garak was there that he had momentarily forgotten that Cardassia had almost been completely destroyed. He pulled out the chair that Garak had indicated and sat down. 

‘How bad is it?’ 

Garak sat up a little straighter. 

‘Worse than on Bajor when Cardassia withdrew.’ He paused, trying to find the words. ‘So much is gone. We are still working to clear away the rubble. Every day, we find new bodies. People live in the ruins, or, if they’re lucky, in tent cities. They are ill and starving. It is, all in all, an untenable situation.’ 

Miles tried to think of what to say. 

‘I’m very sorry.’ 

Garak took a deep breath. 

‘Well. The Federation’s aid has been invaluable. Perhaps, in the future, our peoples will be allies.’ Garak picked up the book lying on the table – a paperback of _Ulysses_ from the bookshelf in the guest-room. ‘But in the meantime, I suggest you concentrate on training tomorrow’s engineers.’ 

Miles got up. 

‘I’ll be upstairs, if there’s anything.’ 

‘Thank you, Professor.’ 

He left the kitchen and made his way upstairs. When he went into the guest room to turn the temperature up, he noticed that some of the books from the bookshelf. Some of the titles were visible from where he was standing: _Persuasion, War and Peace, Murder on the Orient Express_. He wondered if it was a to read-pile, which would imply that either Garak was a fast reader, or he was thinking of staying for some time. It seemed an odd collection of books to have picked at random. Perhaps Garak had read them. From what Miles had heard from Julian about Cardassian enigma tales, he thought _Murder on the Orient Express_ would be his kind of thing. 

The sight of his office was a relief. He sat down at the desk and ran his hands through his hair, as if trying to comb out the thoughts. Perhaps he was being too suspicious, like Keiko said. He did struggle to trust. Then again, he could not shake off the feeling of unease that he had had since Garak turned up at his door. 

His comm buzzed. There were three messages. The first was from Julian, and must have come during the night. 

_–All good here. A bit dull, to be honest. I’ve hit a dead end with my prion research._

The second and third was from Keiko, sent just now.

_–Are you playing nice with Garak?_ read one. The other:

_–One of my students still hasn’t handed in her essay. Ugh._

Deciding to ignore the mention of Garak, he responded: 

_–Threaten them with court-martial!_ The reply came almost immediately.

_–You don’t court-martial your cadets, do you?_

_–Only when they’re very late,_ Miles responded. 

_–A man after my own heart,_ Keiko wrote back. Miles sent an emoji blowing a kiss back and went to respond to Julian’s message. 

_–Sorry abt the research. You’ll get there eventually, I’m sure. Know it’s no comfort, but I wish things were more dull here._ For a moment, he considered if to write something else, but he did not know what to write. He sent what he had. Then, feeling he should say something more, wrote: _Chin up!_ followed by a heart. He sent it off and put the comm back in his pocket. 

The coursework he had to mark for the astromechanics seminar was slow reading. Miles appreciated that engineering was something that did not usually lend itself to interesting prose, but these students had elevated the dullness to an art-form. By half past ten, he had only got through two of the ten essays he had to read. He got up to stretch his legs, and decided that some coffee was called for. 

When he came downstairs, he found that Garak had moved from the kitchen to the sofa in the living-room. He looked up from his book and nodded. 

‘Would you like some coffee, Garak?’ 

‘As long as it’s not Klingon, yes please,’ Garak said and continued reading. Pushing aside the thought that it was odd that he had the time to sit and read an old paperback, Miles went into the kitchen. He switched on the coffee machine and got two mugs out when the comm-console in the corner of the room caught his eye. It was flashing, indicating an unread message. Miles crossed to it and tapped the screen to show it. The script that appeared was not Latin or Japanese, or even a Federation language. It was Cardassian. He stared at it for a few moments, then closed it. Hurriedly, he finished the coffee and carried it into the living room. He put one of the mugs down on the coffee table. 

‘Ah, thank you,’ Garak said, putting down his book and taking the mug. 

‘There’s a message on the comm-console that seems to be for you,’ Miles said. Garak’s eye-ridges rose. 

‘You didn’t read it, did you, Professor?’ he said teasingly. 

‘I couldn’t even if I wanted to,’ Miles said. ‘I need to get back to my marking.’ 

He made himself walk up the stairs at a leisurely pace. Could Garak tell that he had been lying? He found it far too believable that he could. He must be able to surmise that Miles knew some Cardassian. He had not understood the entire message, but some words stood out to him: “hospital”, “collapsed”, “Federation”, “riot”. When he reached his office, he considered calling Keiko, but decided against it. He was afraid she would say he was being unreasonable or paranoid. Perhaps he was, though. The message could be something completely innocent. But even as he said that, the feeling of unease made itself known. Something was not right. That much he knew. 

Sitting still was difficult, but he forced himself to concentrate on the marking. At one o’clock, he changed into uniform, collected his things and, saying a very brief goodbye to Garak, left the house. On the bus going to the shuttle-port, he tried to sort out his thoughts. There was nothing immediately sinister about any of Garak’s actions. His sudden appearance was odd, even concerning, but it did not mean that something was going on. The few words of the message from Cardassia Prime had seemed disturbing, but now he could not remember anything but those words. With no sense of the clauses connecting them, he could not figure out what it meant. A year ago, he would no doubt have understood it much faster, he thought. He felt a sudden resentment against Earth and the academy and his own title. If he had been DS9, he would have known what to do about Garak. He could have gone to talk to Odo or to Sisko. He could have asked Julian his opinion. He might even check if Quark had any gossip that might shed new light on it. 

But this was a new world, which was not supposed to require allies and informants. As Miles boarded the shuttle, he felt very lonely. 

As if prompted by that thought, his comm buzzed. The message was from Julian.

_–You want things to be MORE dull? Dish!_

_–It’s nothing really,_ Miles typed. _Boring Academy stuff. Not worth gossiping about._ He put the comm away, feeling worse than before. 

Travelling west at this speed was disorientating. If you sat toward the front of the shuttle, you could sometimes see the darkness in front of you. The vessel chased after it, a manmade follower of the Sun’s chariot. When the shuttle landed in San Francisco, the passengers stepped into the early morning light. In Dublin, it was already afternoon. On his way to the Academy, a message came through from Keiko:

_–Kids picked up, all good. G hasn’t burned the house down._ The second sentence was undercut by a little winky face. He responded:

_–Hug the kids from me (not G)_

He was just entering the Academy when the comm dinged yet again. He picked it out, expecting it to be Keiko, but instead, it was Julian.

_–Missing the Alamo._

Miles bit his lip. _So do I_ , he typed, and then erased it. Knowing that that was not what the message meant, he instead wrote: 

_–You’ve got the program. Why not run it?_

It took a minute or so before the response came through. 

_–No company._

_–Are you playing anything else?_ Miles asked. As he waited for the response, he called up the chrono function on the comm. As he had thought, it was late by Bajoran standard time, later than he had expected Julian to be up. 

_–Ezri and I are still working on Thermopylae._

_– I still want to see your outfit._ He had spent a fair amount of time imagining Julian in Greek armour. It must be quite the sight. 

_–I’ll take a picture next time,_ Julian answered. Then: 

_–You don’t have any kids looking over your shoulder, do you?_

Miles grinned; he knew that line. 

_–No,_ he typed, moving so he had his back to the wall. 

The next message took longer to go through. It was an image, taken at arm’s length, of Julian lying bare-chested in bed, smiling sleepily. Miles wondered if he had taken off his pyjama jacket just for the picture. Seeing it, he remembered vividly what Julian’s bare chest felt like against his hands. Emotion rose in his chest, all things he wished he could say but did not dare to. Did Julian know just how much Miles missed him? Did he guess that sometimes when he sent him a cheerful good morning, it was because he had dreamed about him and woke up feeling like he had lost someone? Did he feel those things too, and not dare to speak them in the same way? 

_–Wish I weren’t at work,_ he typed. _I need to go teach._

_–Shame_ , Julian responded. _Time to sleep now. Talk later?_

_–Sure. Good night._

_– You too x_

Miles smiled to himself. 

_–Thanks x,_ he sent back. He turned the comm off and collected his thoughts. The next three hours, he was sure, were going to be excruciatingly boring. 

***

By the time Miles got onto the shuttle back to Dublin, it was not even noon in San Francisco. As they lifted, the Pacific glittered in the sunshine. Then, as they set off at incredible speed, the Atlantic rushed under them. The further they travelled, the dark more the sea grew. This time, they were flying into the night. When they landed in Dublin, it was past nine in the evening.

Miles caught the bus into town, trying and failing to shake off the strange feeling that the ballistic shuttle always gave him. Travelling by transporter was far more comfortable, but it was expensive and required massive amounts of energy, far too much to be generally available, even for Academy instructors. He had a feeling that bouncing between time-zones like this was bad for him, which was why he preferred to spend a few days in San Francisco at a time. He had meant to ask Julian about it – he did not trust that his GP in Dublin would know that kind of thing.

When he reached the front door, he could not think of much other than having a cup of tea and falling asleep on the couch. He had expected to hear Keiko calling from the kitchen, as she often did when he came home, but when he stepped inside and locked the door behind him, there were no immediate greetings. However, there were voices coming from the living room. Tentatively, Miles approached. 

_‘Rhe’sha tam gerra,_ ’ he heard Garak say. 

_‘Marash, dei gerra,_ ’ Molly said. 

_‘Dei-ma temar?’_

‘What’s _temar_?’ 

_‘Ah, ah, ah,_ ’ Garak said in a sing-song. Even that sound was clearly in Bajoran. ‘ _“Ta-ma temar?_ ”

Molly sighed, but said: 

_‘Ta-ma temar?’_

_‘Temar ta_ “purple”.’ 

They were sitting on the sofa. Molly sat with her legs crossed, one hand holding onto Garak’s wrist. In her other hand, she held a nail polish brush. She frowned in concentration as she painted the last of his claws bright red. Her own nails were a combination of the same red and an equally bright blue. When she put the cap on the varnish bottle, he saw that her right hand was far neater than it usually was. Garak must have helped her with it. 

He stepped into the living room. 

‘What are you doing up, honey?’ 

Molly looked over at him and smiled broadly. 

‘Daddy!’ She ran over to him and hugged him. ‘Look!’ She held out her hands and show him her painted nails. 

‘Very pretty!’ 

‘And we’ve been drawing too.’ 

‘Oh? Show me!’

Molly took his hand and led him over. Garak smiled pleasantly. 

‘We’ve been quite busy, as you can see,’ he said. 

Molly picked up some of the drawings and showed him. 

‘That’s Aunt Nerys, and me and Yoshi and mummy. But I forgot Odo.’ 

‘That’s great. But I’m not in the picture,’ Miles said. 

‘You’re in the next one,’ she said, pulling away the first sheet and revealing another drawing. Miles raised his eyebrows. He recognised the person on the right as himself - Molly always used the same orange pen for his hair. The figure was smiling and holding hands with the person to the left, clearly Julian. She was remarkably good at drawing Starfleet uniforms, he thought, and the hair was very recognisable. On Julian’s other side was what startled him. Holding Julian’s other hand was a smiling, grey figure with a tail. The hair seemed to have caused her trouble, and looked rather like she drew Keiko’s, but it was clearly Garak. 

‘That’s Garak,’ Molly said. 

‘It is,’ Miles said. He glanced over at Garak, who smiled and said:

‘She is rather talented.’ 

‘Yes.’ 

‘And Garak drew this,’ Molly said and grabbed another sheet of paper. It was a drawing of a dress, much like the ones they had commissioned from him while they lived on the station. The girl wearing it was not much more than a sketch, but the hair did look like Molly’s. ‘But he let me chose the colours. And she’s wearing my purple shoes - the ones I can’t wear anymore.’ 

‘It’s very pretty,’ Miles said. He had been beset by a queer feeling which took him a moment to identify. Hearing Molly and Garak talk, seeing him in her drawing, and recognising her in his dress sketch opened up the possibility that to Molly, Garak was not threatening. He was not even scary. Instead, she saw him as someone important – perhaps, he thought, as something approaching family. Together with that, there was the feeling that Molly was as important to Garak as he was to her. 

He put down the drawings. 

‘Where’s mummy?’

‘She’s giving Yoshi a bath. He spilled soup all over himself.’ She made an unhappy face. ‘Do I have to go to bed now?’ 

‘I’m afraid so,’ Miles said. ‘It’s a school day tomorrow.’ 

Molly rubbed her eyes. 

‘Alright.’ 

‘Do you want to take your drawings up with you?’ 

She nodded and collected them, then paused and handed Miles the two drawings she had shown him. 

‘These are for you. But I need to add Odo before you put them in your office.’

‘Yes,’ he said and smiled. ‘You must do that. We can’t leave Odo out.’ 

She smiled back. 

‘Goodnight, daddy.’ 

She stood on tiptoe. He leaned down and she kissed his cheek. Then, clutching her drawings, she left, running up the stairs. Miles looked at the drawings again. There was a straight line just to the left of Keiko. He put the other sheet of paper against it. The two drawings joined up, making it look like he and Keiko held hands too. Miles smiled to himself. Careful not to crease them, he put the papers in his bag. He was aware of Garak watching him. 

‘We are long overdue for a talk, Professor.’ 

Miles looked at him, sitting on the sofa, his legs casually crossed. A moment ago, he had seemed almost harmless. Now, he could glimpse the danger in him.

Then the sinister look passed. 

‘But not tonight.’ He stood up. ‘Good night.’ 

‘Good night, Garak.’ 

Miles did not move until he was sure Garak had reached the upstairs. He moved into the kitchen and switched the kettle on. An odd-looking bottle on the counter drew his eye. Putting aside his bag, he opened the bottle and took a sniff. It almost made him gag. 

Just then, Keiko appeared in the door. 

‘Hello.’ 

Miles swallowed and blinked the tears out of his eyes. 

‘Hi.’ He closed the bottle and put it aside. ‘Sorry I didn’t come up and help…’ 

‘No, it’s okay,’ she said. ‘You just got through the door.’ She smiled. ‘Anyway, the kids are in bed.’ 

He smiled back. 

‘You look tired.’ 

She shrugged. 

‘I’m okay. My student didn’t turn up, though. Said she had the flu.’ 

Miles made a sympathetic grimace. 

‘You don’t believe her?’ 

‘Not really. I think she’s allergic to work. And this close to the exams…’ 

He pressed her shoulder. 

‘It’s not your problem,’ he said. ‘Not right now, anyway.’ 

She smiled. 

‘Thanks.’ 

‘Cup of tea?’ 

‘No, thanks.’ 

Miles set about making a cup for himself. 

‘What’s that stuff?’ he asked, pointing at the bottle. 

‘It’s fish juice.’ 

He looked over, surprised. 

‘You got him fish juice?’

‘It’s what Cardassians have for breakfast,’ she said. ‘It didn’t feel right to make him eat porridge and jam. Besides, I thought he’d appreciate it.’

‘How did you get hold of it?’ he asked. If you could buy fish-juice anywhere on Earth, Miles thought it would be San Francisco, not Cambridge.

‘One of the maths fellows is Cardassian, and she stockpiles it. She was happy to sell me a couple of bottles.’ 

‘Well, as long as you don’t make me drink it…’ 

She grinned. 

‘Only if you misbehave.’ 

He leaned down to kiss her.

‘ _Okaaaaaasan!_ ’

Keiko sighed and stepped away. 

‘I’ll go,’ Miles said, but she shook her head. 

‘If you go, he’s just going to whine until I come too. Besides, he probably wants me to read him the book about the four frogs, and you don’t do the voices right.’ 

‘You’re an angel, Keiko.’ 

She waved and went upstairs. Miles remained standing at the work-counter, drinking his tea. If he strained his ears, he could hear Keiko read Yoshi’s favourite story. He could hear him laughing at Keiko’s frog voice. It made him smile, although he thought that it was far too late for him to be awake. He wondered if Molly was asleep, but she had seemed tired, and was generally better at settling down than Yoshi. 

Miles drained his mug and put it away. Collecting his bag, he headed upstairs. He paused at Yoshi’s door. Keiko smiled over her shoulder, making Yoshi grab her hand and say: 

‘Read more!’ 

She went back to the book. Miles waved at Yoshi, who yawned and waved back. He left quietly, hoping he would sleep soon. Molly’s bedside lamp was turned off. When he opened the door, he could see her fast asleep, her doll in her arms. He closed the door again and headed to his office. There were PADDs and papers he had to put away, and he knew that waiting until tomorrow would mean forgetting what should go where. First of all, he put Molly’s drawing on the desk. He wondered whether to keep it here or bring it to the Academy once she had finished it. It would go well on his wall, but he was not sure he would dare have it on display. He realised that perhaps that was silly, but he was not sure he was ready to explain the implication of it. _On the station, no one minded. Most people knew._ Some, like Quark, had seen it as a strange arrangement, and the bar-owner had on occasionally made jokes about it, but it had never been anything negative.

Miles shook the thought of the station off. What good would it do to keep thinking about it? He started arranging the PADDs and put them in the correct drawers. As he got his ring-binders down to put away the papers he had marked, he heard Keiko in the corridor, entering their bedroom and moving around inside. He felt an urge to leave the filing for tomorrow - he would have all day - but he knew better than to leave a task half-done. Within a few minutes, the papers were filed under cadets’ names and the binders were back on the shelf. Miles left the office and headed for the bedroom. Just at the door, he paused. From inside, he heard the sound of crying. He hesitated, then turned the handle and opened the door a little. 

‘Keiko?’

She was sitting on the end of the bed, her head in her hands. Her back shook with silent sobs. When he stepped in, she straightened up and tried to wipe her face, as if to pretend she had not been crying in the first place. It did not work. 

‘Keiko, what’s wrong?’ He sat down beside her. Seeing Keiko cry was so uncommon that it formed a knot of worry in his stomach. She shook her head and tried to talk, but was overwhelmed by another sob. He put his arm around her. ‘Has something happened?’ She shook her head. ‘Was it something I did?’ 

‘No,’ she said between sobs. 

‘Did Garak say something…?'

Keiko shook her head.

‘No, not at all. It’s silly.’ She swallowed, steadying herself. ‘I was just looking over some of my Bajor samples from the valley expedition earlier today, and now…’ She sipped air in a short breath. ‘It just struck me.’

Miles pulled her close. She leaned against his chest, sinking into him.

‘What did?’ he asked. She shrugged.

‘I don’t know,’ she whispered. ‘I suppose it was just a difficult time.’

‘It’s okay,’ he said, rubbing her arm. ‘It’s all okay.’

She nodded against his chest. She put her arms around his middle and nestled closer. He leaned his chin against her head. It was not a lie – it had been a difficult time. She had been away, they only saw each other once every few months and Miles had been in the first stages of infatuation with Julian, which had taken him by surprise and not made things easier. So why did he find it so hard to believe her? This was something more than a memory of a time when their marriage had been in trouble. However difficult things had been then, the Bajor expedition had been among the happiest months in Keiko's life. Thinking about it should not make her cry. 

He held her close until the crying subsided and she disentangled herself. She found a tissue and blew her nose. 

‘Don’t give me that look,’ she said, her tone kind. ‘I’m okay.’ 

‘Are you sure?’ He took her hand. 

She nodded. 

‘Yeah. I’m fine.’ She wiped her eyes. ‘It’s probably just work and hormones.’ 

He smiled and pressed her hand.

‘Alright.’ They looked at each other. ‘Let’s get to bed.’ She nodded in agreement. 

As they got ready, he kept an eye on her, searching for signs of what might be wrong. As he watched her, he thought of one possibility. When they got into bed, he asked: 

‘Did you talk to Nerys?’ 

‘Yes. Not very long, though. The connection wasn’t very good.’ 

‘Is she well?’ 

‘Yes, she’s fine.’ Keiko lay down and turned onto her side to face him. ‘Molly was so excited to see her.’ 

He smiled. 

‘I can imagine.’ 

She rubbed her face. Miles turned the lights off. In the darkness, he could sense her close to him, but not quite touching. He closed his eyes and wondered if Nerys had something to do with why she was upset. _But perhaps I’m just overthinking this._ Nevertheless, he knew that Keiko would sometimes not tell him everything if she thought he would worry. It was her way of trying to protect him, like he tried to protect her. He might be a bit of a worry-wart, but he wished she would tell him if something was on her mind. 

‘Miles?’ He felt Keiko’s hand on his shoulder. ‘Are you asleep?’ 

He raised his head. 

‘No. What’s up?’ 

Keiko propped herself up on her elbow. Through the darkness, he could make out her smile. 

‘I just wondered how you’d feel about locking the door?’ 

Miles sat up and grinned. 

‘I’m definitely awake enough for that.’ She kissed him on the lips, then playfully pushed at his shoulder. 

‘Then get to it.’ 

‘With pleasure.’ 

He locked the door and returned to bed, discarding the thoughts that this might be a distraction or an attempt to placate him. At least it was not about him.


	2. Chapter 2

Miles woke with a start, jolting Keiko awake. 

‘Miles?’ she murmured, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. ‘What’s wrong?’ 

He tried to get his breath back. 

‘Nothing. Just a dream.’ 

She sat up and touched his arm. 

‘Want to talk about it?’

He shook his head. He did not want to relive any of the details, but he needed to explain. 

‘Ee’char was in it.’ 

Keiko put her arms around him. He rested his head against hers. 

‘I’m sorry,’ she whispered. Miles shrugged. The dream was fading fast, and he was no longer sure what it had been about. He only remembered something about trying to break Ee’char out of prison, but he was there at the same time, telling him it was too late. 

Eventually, he moved and she let go of him. He could feel her watching him as he looked at the alarm clock. It was only a few minutes until it would go off, so he turned it off and got out of bed. Keiko followed suit, putting her dressing-gown on over her nightie. 

‘Will you be alright staying home today?’ 

‘Yes.’ 

‘Just don’t want you to go stir-crazy.’ 

Miles snorted. 

‘Me? Stir-crazy? Never.’ he said. She gave him a meaningful look, as if saying that it was not even worth joking about. ‘I’ll be fine.’ 

She pecked him on the cheek. 

‘Don’t forget your medication.’ 

‘Won’t.’ Miles went over to his bedside table and got out the cloth wallet where he kept the hypospray. He barely had to think about what to do. It was second nature by now. When he had injected it and put it back, Keiko reached out and touched his neck. He took her hand and kissed it.

‘Keiko, about last night…’ 

She sighed. 

‘It was nothing. I was just really tired.’ 

‘Alright,’ he said. ‘But if something was wrong, you’d tell me, wouldn’t you?’

She took his face in her hands. His hands settled on her hips.

‘Of course I would.’ She kissed him on the mouth, then looked him in the eye. ‘But nothing’s wrong.’ 

He smiled. 

‘I just want you to be happy.’ 

She smiled back, but there was something in her eyes that made him hesitate. It was a look that took effort. He wanted to ask, _are you happy, really?_ but knew better than to do so. She would get annoyed and say he was fussing. She’d be right, he supposed. In a way, his anger at himself was greater than his worry about her. His lack of trust felt worse than her untruth. 

She hugged him tightly, then slipped out of his grip. 

‘I’ll go put the kettle on. Will you wake the kids?’ 

He nodded.

‘Sure.’ 

When Miles came into the kitchen, with Yoshi’s hand in his and Molly following close behind, Keiko was sitting at the table. Garak, already dressed, was at the counter, fishing out the teabags from the pot. 

‘You’re up early,’ Miles said. 

‘I suppose I’m getting used to the length of Earth days,’ Garak said, putting the teapot on the table and sitting down. 

‘I hope you weren’t quite as cold as yesterday.’ 

‘No, no, much better.’ 

‘Do you need more blankets?’ Molly asked. ‘Because we have _lots_ of blankets.’ 

Garak smiled. 

‘Thank you for the offer, Molly, but it’s a little more work for us Cardassians. Say what you will, but being cold-blooded has its disadvantages when you go to other planets.’ 

Molly frowned and turned to her mother. 

‘What does that mean?’ 

‘If you’re warm-blooded, like humans, you’re always the same temperature, but if you’re cold-blooded, like Cardassians, you’re cold if it’s cold and warm if it’s warm,’ Keko explained. 

Molly thought about it. 

‘We have hot water bottles,’ she said and looked at Garak. ‘You could have one of those and you wouldn’t be cold.’ 

Garak smiled.

‘I’ll keep that in mind, Molly.’ 

Miles grinned, unable to suppress the mental image of Garak with Molly’s hot water bottle with a pink unicorn-shaped cover. He caught Keiko’s eye and saw that she had had the same thought; she was trying hard not to laugh. 

Breakfast passed smoothly, except for the fact that Yoshi repeatedly tried to drink from Garak’s glass of fish juice – he seemed to prefer it to the orange juice. Eventually, Garak withdrew; Miles could hear him settling in the living room, no doubt reading. Keiko gestured to Miles to remain seated – why he did not know – and hurried the children upstairs to get them ready. He drank his tea and listened to the sound of the house. He could hear Yoshi singing, Molly searching for something in her room, Keiko trying to coax Yoshi into a jumper. If he listened carefully, he could make out Garak flicking his tail. 

Then came the sound of the children coming downstairs. Keiko was following closely, half admonishing and half encouraging them. Then he heard her switch into English: 

‘Garak, could you do me a favour? Could you make sure Yoshi gets his shoes on?’ 

‘Of course. Come on, Kirayoshi.’ 

Miles frowned and was halfway out of his chair when Keiko appeared in the doorway. She made a gesture that indicated he should stay, then closed the door. She had walked over to the kitchen table carefully, like she did not want to alert the people outside the room. Despite her smile, she looked concerned. 

He frowned at her. 

‘What’s going on, Keiko?’ 

She sat down beside him.

‘There’s something I feel I need to tell you.’ Seeing his face fall, she put her hand on his arm. ‘It’s nothing about us.’ 

He still felt apprehensive. 

‘What is it?’ 

She paused, gathering her thoughts. 

‘Ezri and Julian broke up.’ 

Miles sat up straighter, surprised. 

‘Oh no. Did this happen just now? I talked to him only yesterday.’ 

Keiko bit her lip. She looked almost comically uncomfortable.

‘Keiko?’ 

‘They broke up about eleven months ago.’ 

Miles stared at her. 

‘That can’t be right,’ he said, even as he knew that it was. ‘Why didn’t he say?’ 

‘He didn’t want you to know.’

‘So how come you know?’ 

‘Nerys told me,’ Keiko explained. ‘A week or two after it happened. She let it slip by accident and swore me to secrecy. I’ve felt terrible keeping it from you…’ 

He leaned back in his chair and tried to process it all. 

‘Why did he not want me to know?’ he asked, and then: ‘Why are you telling me this now? Did Nerys say anything when you talked to her?’

‘Not about this,’ she said. ‘Garak knows. He mentioned it to me yesterday. I wanted you to hear it from me.’ 

‘This is absurd,’ he said standing up. 

‘I don’t know how he knows,’ Keiko said. ‘He didn’t say.’ 

Miles thought about this. 

‘But they’re clearly spending time together,’ he said. ‘Yesterday Julian said that he and Ezri are still fighting the Battle of Thermopylae. Was he lying?’ 

‘I wouldn’t think so. Nerys said they’re still friendly.’ She shrugged. ‘I suppose he might have exaggerated a bit for you. From what Nerys has told me, it doesn’t sound like he’s been very sociable lately.’ She hesitated, evidently considering breaking yet another confidence. ‘She’s worried about him.’ 

Miles stopped in his tracks. He did not know if he had heard about Nerys being worried about anyone before. 

‘Why?’ 

‘He’s lonely. She says he seems miserable.’ 

Miles sighed deeply. He had worried about Julian as well, but he had always shaken it off. He had Ezri, he had told himself. 

Keiko got up. 

‘I need to take the kids to school,’ she said. ‘I just wanted you to know, in case Garak springs it on you. I don’t know what he’s up to, but… Well. Just to prepare you.’ 

He took her hand between both of his. 

‘Thank you.’ 

She smiled a little. 

‘You know where to find me, if you need me.’ 

Miles nodded and pressed her hand. 

‘I love you,’ he said. 

Keiko’s smile turned warmer. 

‘I love you too.’ She kissed him. ‘I’ll see you tonight.’ She started pulling her hand away to leave, a look of regret on her face. He let her hand slip out of his grasp, but then held out his other hand. She smiled and took it. 

They left the kitchen together. Miles did not let go of her hand until they reached the hallway where Yoshi and Molly were waiting. He hugged them all goodbye and waved at them when they left the house. He locked the door behind them once they were out of sight. For a moment, he thought he felt Garak’s gaze on his back. When he turned around, the only thing he caught sight of was Garak’s tail, disappearing round the corner. When Miles passed through the living room to get to the stairs, he was sitting on the couch fully intent on his book, as if he had not moved from that spot.

***

Miles had hoped that the mundane routine of work correspondence and marking would distract him. However, the tasks would only hold his attention for a few minutes at a time. Then other thoughts would intrude. He would get to his feet and pace around the small room to try to shake it off, but it did not help. Instead it made the thoughts grow more elaborate and hard to pin down. Julian and Keiko were like two posts between which that his worries were weaving a web. She was lying to him when she said everything was fine. He had not mentioned that he and Ezri had broken up. She had kept that a secret for almost a year. He had not wanted him to know it at all. She had wept so openly that he had worried that someone had died. He was, in Nerys’ words, miserable. Miles felt trapped in that web which they had created separately and together.

How time passed, he did not know, but at some point, it did. The next time Miles looked at the chrono, he realised that it was well past noon. What was more, he realised that he was hungry. He went downstairs with vague thoughts of making a sandwich, but the sight of Garak made him pause. He was standing at the window, drumming his fingers against his other hand, clasped behind his back. His tail curled and uncurled. 

‘Garak?’ 

Garak looked up. His gaze, usually so sharp, was a little unfocused.

‘Are you alright?’ 

‘Perfectly fine, Professor,’ he said, mustering a smile. ‘Simply…’ He searched for the right word. 

‘Going a bit stir-crazy?’ Miles suggested. Garak’s smile turned genuine. 

‘Yes, something like that.’ 

‘Tell me about it.’ He hesitated. ‘Look, you haven’t been out of the house since you got here. How about we go out for lunch? There’s a nice café not that far from here.’ 

Garak unclasped his hands. 

‘That sounds like a superb idea. Let me get my coat.’

He climbed the stairs, his tail whispering against the carpet. Even the suggestion of going outside seemed to have lifted his spirits. Judging from how tensely Garak had carried himself before, Miles thought they might have averted a panic attack. 

The sky outside was an uncertain shade of grey. He got an umbrella out, not trusting it not to rain. Soon, Garak came downstairs, wearing a coat Miles had been been too startled to notice when he had arrived. It looked more appropriate for November than April, being knee-length and made from dark wool. The cut was Earth traditional, the centre vent making sure his tail did not disrupt the fall of the cloth. The lapels were black velvet. That and the round sunglasses made Miles think Garak looked a little like a villain from some old film.

Despite that thought, he found there was something charming about the way that Garak tasted the air and sighed with pleasure when they stepped outside. He kept his hands deep in his pockets, making Miles realise that the coat was not an affectation or a misunderstanding of the seasons, but an attempt to conserve heat. As they walked, Miles could sense Garak’s mood lifting from being outside. However big the living room was, it seemed the indoors had started to become oppressive to him. They did not talk much on the way to the café, although sometimes Garak would ask about places they passed. By the time they arrived and got their lunch, their conversation about the city had petered out. The food gave them a reason not to speak for a while.

‘I saw you’re reading _Ulysses_ ,’ Miles said eventually. 

‘Yes.’ 

‘What do you think?’ 

‘Frankly, I’ve never read something quite like it,’ Garak said. ‘As soon as I think I have a grasp of it, it throws me. Right now, the author seems to have forgotten all about punctuation.’

Miles laughed. 

‘Oh _that_ bit. It’s supposed to be stream of consciousness. An internal monologue.’

Garak rolled his eyes. 

‘That explains it.’ 

‘You don’t like it?’ 

‘I just don’t see the point. The man clearly knows how to write, so why waste that potential on something so mundane and introverted? There is no message, no strong thematic structure.’

‘It’s a formative work of European modernism, Garak. You have to see some merit in it.’ 

‘I “have to”? Julian read _The Never-Ending Sacrifice_ and said it was dull. If he can do that to the greatest piece of Cardassian literature, I most certainly have the right to be underwhelmed by something that is merely a “formative work” of some cultural movement.’ 

Miles found himself smiling. He remembered with sudden vividness how Julian would go on about the latest Cardassian novel Garak was making him read. He had always wondered why Julian still read those books he claimed were so dry, sometimes staying up until the early hours of morning to finish them. Miles had once tried to read an enigma tale, being a fan of detective novels, but he had not made it through more than the first chapter. However, despite the boredom, Julian clearly got something worthwhile out of them, even if it might just have been something to argue about with Garak. He found himself wondering if Garak missed him as much as he did.

‘But you’ve read almost the whole thing in two days,’ he said. ‘It took me four tries before I got through it.’ 

‘Well, I haven’t had much else to do.’

For a while, they ate without talking. They were almost finished when Garak said:

‘Kirayoshi has become quite the talker since I last saw him.’ 

‘He has,’ Miles agreed. 

‘Although half of the time, I don’t understand what he says.’

Miles grinned. 

‘Well, he’s not telling apart his languages much yet.’

‘I could have sworn I heard him talk Bajoran yesterday. How many languages are you inflicting on that poor child?’ 

‘Three. Well, four, if you count Bajoran,’ Miles said. ‘We’re trying to keep it up, but I don’t know how easy it’ll be in the long term, living here.’ 

‘Isn’t this bad for him?’ Garak asked. ‘It must be very confusing.’ 

‘It’s not bad at all. If anything it’s rewarding. I was raised like that.’ 

‘Speaking Bajoran and Japanese?’ 

‘Well no. As bilingual,’ Miles said. ‘There must be people on Cardassia who are raised speaking more than one language.’ 

‘There are, but it’s nothing to be proud about,’ Garak said. ‘Not knowing Cardassian Standard is bad enough. Knowing it but having some other variant getting in the way – that is worse.’

‘Molly and Yoshi will be able to appreciate a lot of good literature, without having to rely on translations,’ Miles pointing. Garak exhaled, signalling withdrawal. 

‘I’ll give you that.’ 

‘Besides, you were talking Bajoran to Molly yesterday.’ 

‘I might not be convinced by the concept of bilingualism, but it would be a shame to lose a language that she might find useful in the future.’ He put down his cutlery. ‘Shall we go?’

Miles nodded and got up. When they stepped outside, he felt the first drop of rain against his cheek. Garak turned his face upwards and tasted the air.

‘They did say England was rainy,’ he said. 

Miles got his umbrella out and opened it. 

‘You’re not in England,’ he said. Garak turned up the collar of his coat and stepped a little closer to be under the umbrella. 

‘Britain, then.’ 

‘No. This is Ireland.’ 

Garak frowned. 

‘I thought it was all the same.’ 

‘It’s really not.’ 

‘Why?’ 

Miles sighed. 

‘I’m not going to tell you the entire history of Ireland.’ 

‘Then give me the highlights.’ 

‘Maybe later,’ Miles said. He had expected him to argue, but instead he shrugged and they continued in silence. They soon turned back, slowly returning to the house. As they retraced their steps, Miles felt the silence start wearing on him. His mind was back at the things Keiko had told him. Why had Garak mentioned that to her? Was it so she would tell him, or just to show off what he knew? Knowing what he knew now and still waiting for Garak to bring it up did not feel right. It did not seem fair that he should hold all the cards. 

‘I heard that Julian and Ezri broke up,’ Miles said.

‘Yes, so did I.’ 

He waited for him to say more. When Garak didn’t, he asked: 

‘Did he say why they ended it?’ 

‘Oh he didn’t tell me anything,’ Garak said and reached up to rub his eyes behind the sunglasses. ‘I heard about it from Counsellor Dax.’

Miles raised his eyebrows. 

‘You’re in touch with Ezri?’ It surprised him, but at the same time, he was a little relieved that it was not just him Julian had kept in the dark.

‘Yes. We are rather friendly.’

‘What did she say, then?’ 

‘Not much. But if you ask me, the relationship was doomed from the moment it began.’ Garak looked over at him. ‘I heard you encouraged it.’ 

Miles sighed. He had not thought it was a particularly good idea himself, but Garak was right. 

‘I dunno. Julian was pining. I thought it was better that he got it out of his system.’ 

‘That did not go to plan, did it?’ 

Miles stopped in his tracks. His patience had run out. 

‘Alright, Garak, spit it out. What are you here for?’ 

Garak grinned. 

‘Why, Professor,’ he said silkily. ‘I’m here for _you_.’ 

‘What the hell is that supposed to mean?’ Miles asked. 

‘I wanted to see this–’ he threw his arm in a wide arc ‘–for myself. Your perfect little world. It really is like they say, if Dublin is anything to go by. Just as peaceful and insufferable as I’d expected.’ 

‘You didn’t come all this way to insult my home planet.’ 

‘No,’ Garak admitted. ‘I came to tell you to leave it.’ 

Miles stared, suddenly lost for words. Garak was no longer grinning. Instead, he looked at him with measured gaze. 

‘This is not where you belong,’ he said. ‘You must see that.’ 

‘You have no idea what you’re talking about,’ Miles said quickly. 

‘Do I now? Look at yourself! You are teaching cadets who are barely weaned how to repair flow converters and RF power conduits.’ 

‘There’s nothing wrong with that!’ 

‘You’re not a teacher,’ Garak said, ‘any more than I am an aid-worker. You know full well that you’re wasted at the Academy.’ 

‘Why do you care, Garak?’ He started walking. Garak hurried after him. 

‘Because you are without a doubt one of the most talented engineers in the quadrant, and you are wasting away teaching children something a Rigellian tree-ape could do with a minimum of training.’ 

Miles stopped and turned. Garak did not flinch under his gaze. 

‘Look, I don’t know what you want, or what you hope to achieve by saying things like that, but I’m where I need to be. I’ve been in Starfleet for over thirty years. I have fought in every single major conflict the Federation has been in since I came of age. I have PTSD, an artificial arm-socket and more scars than I can count. Don’t you think that I deserve a quiet life?’

‘You mean “dull”,’ Garak said. ‘A dull life.’ 

Miles glared at him. 

’This is how I want things to be. Why is it so difficult for you to realise that?’ 

Garak continued as if he could not notice his anger. He spoke calmly and without his usual tone of amused manipulation. 

‘This might be the life you want to want. The life your superiors want you to have, yes. The life your father probably wants you to want, I’m sure. Settling down after years of service, with your wife and your daughter and your son, all well-defined and proper.’ 

‘How dare you?’ Miles said, but Garak cut his off. 

‘My father hoped I’d be dead by forty, or whenever I had outlived my usefulness. I outlived him.’ 

‘Don’t you dare compare my father to yours,’ Miles said. ‘He is nothing like Tain.’

Garak simply pushed on.

‘I was an embarrassment,’ he said. ‘You, on the other hand, are anything but. You are an example. A hero! And they need to keep you that way. So, you retire from the front lines with your neat nuclear family. No more war. No more impermissible dalliances. But that’s not who you are. It’s out of character for you.’

‘Out of – out of character!?’ Miles could barely restrain himself now. ‘You don’t know me! We’re not friends!’

‘You aren’t happy here,’ Garak said. ‘I could see it as soon as you answered your front door. You might have been shocked, but some part of you thought “finally! some intrigue.”’

Miles fought against the words. There was too much truth in them.

‘I’m doing what is best for my family,’ he said. ‘My children deserve to grow up somewhere that’s safe. My wife deserves to have a life where…’

‘What are you – a Tavnian patriarch?’ Garak said. ‘Is it not up to Keiko to decide what she wants?’ 

‘I’m not making her do anything,’ O’Brien snapped. ‘She wants this.’ 

‘Are you sure?’ Garak asked. ‘Has she said those words?’

Miles was about to answer when he was cut off by the sound of a dog barking. They both looked in its direction. A small spaniel was straining against its lead, barking excitedly at them. The elderly lady holding it was staring at Garak with unrestrained confusion. Garak bowed low and said: 

‘How do you do, madam?’ 

The lady looked alarmed and pulled her dog after her, hurrying on her way. 

‘May I suggest we move this conversation to somewhere else?’ Garak said. Miles nodded, gruffly.

‘Come on,’ he said and set off. Garak followed close behind. The rain was coming down faster now, smattering off the umbrella. When Garak reached his side again, he noticed how his soaked hair clung to his scalp. The raindrops ran down his face, pooling against the ridges and dripping off his nose. 

‘You’re wrong, you know,’ Garak said. 

‘About what?’ 

‘You might not like me, but we _are_ friends.’ 

‘That’s bollocks.’ 

‘When what would you call this?’ Garak asked. ‘We are a damned sight more than acquaintances. We fought together and, just to remind you, we share a lover.’ 

Miles decided not to answer. He could think of nothing to say that would not lead to a shouting-match in the street. Anger was boiling inside him, threatening to spill out, but worse, he knew that Garak was right. They had some kind of bond, although he had no idea what to name it. “Friendship” did not feel accurate, but he could not think of a better word. Had the time on the _Defiant_ been the only thing they had in common, he might have settled for “comrades-in-arms”, but it was not. Even from the other side of the quadrant, Julian felt like a presence between them. It made Garak both more approachable and more frightening. Knowing that this was someone Julian loved forced Miles to look at Garak differently, but that connection between them was a vulnerability. He reminded himself of what Keiko had said. If he couldn’t trust Garak himself, he could at least trust Julian not to be wrong about him. Perhaps it was all down to the difference in their characters. For all his skittishness, Julian had far more patience than Miles did. He was intrigued by Garak rather than frustrated, and the air of danger was exciting instead of alarming. This conversation would be far easier, he thought, if Julian was present to mediate. At the same time, he knew that there would be no reason for this conversation to happen if he was here.

As soon as they came through the front-door, Garak slid past Miles and went inside. He could hear him on the stairs. 

‘Hey,’ Miles said, kicking off his wet shoes and hurrying after him. ‘You’re not running away from this conversation.’ When he climbed the stairs, the door to the guest room was closed. He banged on it. ‘Garak! You have no right to slip away like this!’ 

‘I’m changing my clothes before I get hypothermia,’ Garak said through the door. Miles let his hand fall and waited. ‘There. You can come in.’ 

The room was in darkness. The curtains were drawn, muffling the sound of the rain. He could smell the wet wool from the coat that was hanging neatly by the door. The suit Garak had been wearing was drying on the valet stand. When Miles reached for the light-switch, he heard Garak say: 

‘Don’t.’ 

It took him a moment to see him where he sat on the floor, his back against the radiator. He had changed into dry clothes, far more unassuming than the suit he had worn before. There was something in his hands, which he carefully placed on the floor in front of him and unfolded. For a moment, Miles wondered whether this was some ritual. He could have been about to pray. 

‘No need to skulk in the doorway, Professor,’ Garak said, not looking away from what he was doing. Miles stepped inside. What he had taken for some ritual bag, he realised, was a case. It looked much like the one Julian had given him some time after he had started taking antidepressants, as some kind of attempt to normalise it. Now that he stood closer, he realised that the case Garak was handling could have been his. Only the contents were different. He spotted two hyposprays and several phials on one side, and some kind of bottle on the other. Garak retrieved the bottle. When he moved his head, Miles caught sight of his eyes. Even through the darkness he could see how red they were. As he blinked, a tear ran down his cheek. He wiped it away quickly, and went back to opening the bottle. 

‘What’s wrong with you?’ Miles asked quietly.

‘You’ll have to be more specific, Professor.’ 

‘Your eyes.’

‘It’s nothing serious,’ Garak said. ‘The light irritates my eyes. It would often happen on Bajor, and Earth is brighter.’ Tilting his head a little, he applied the eyedrops. He winced and closed his eyes to let the solution work. Then he blinked a few time and put the dropper back in the bottle. ‘It could be worse. You’d be surprised at how many Cardassians of my generation had their eyesight ruined by the Bajoran sun.’ 

Miles crossed his arms. 

‘A lot of Bajoran prisoners went blind from the dark you kept them in.’ 

Garak let the comment slide. He blinked a few times, then looked up at Miles. 

‘Now that we do not have an audience,’ he said, ‘shall we continue?’ He made a broad gesture. Reluctantly, Miles came closer, pulled out the chair from the desk and sat down. 

‘Can we get to the point?’ he asked. It felt like he only had pieces of this puzzle. ‘What do you want from me? Are you trying to recruit me to come to Cardassia?’ 

‘Not at all,’ Garak said. 

‘Is it about the Federation rebuilding effort, then? What do you want? More resources? Less scrutiny?’ 

The enjoyment he had seen in Garak’s smile disappeared.

‘No. This is not about Cardassia.’ 

‘Well whatever it is must be important, if you can drop everything to come here.’ 

Garak sighed softly. 

‘Don’t you understand? There is no “everything” to drop.’

‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ 

Garak looked at him as if marvelling at his simpleness. 

‘What use am I on Cardassia Prime? They have no need for spies or tailors or gardeners. They need medics, builders, political leaders. I am none of those things.’ 

‘But… it’s your home,’ Miles said. 

‘Is it?’ Garak asked. ‘My Cardassia is gone. It died in the Fire. Perhaps that was for the best, but nevertheless… I look over where the capital once was, and I see nothing.’ 

Miles sighed softly. 

‘I’m sorry, Garak.’ He tried to figure out how to ask the next question. ‘Who did you contact the night you came here?’ he asked. Garak looked over at him, trying to read his face. ‘I know it was for someone on Cardassia Prime.’

Garak smiled slightly. 

‘You think I’m part of some conspiracy.’ 

‘It wouldn’t be that much of a stretch, would it?’ 

‘Granted. But this time, I promise you, I am not. The message was to a good friend on Cardassia.’ He looked away, down at his hands. The claws on his right hand were still bright red. ‘My only friend on Cardassia.’ 

The silence hung between them. 

‘I read the message you got yesterday,’ Miles admitted. 

‘I guessed as much,’ Garak said. ‘Did you understand it?’ 

‘Just bits. There was something about a riot, and a hospital collapsing.’ 

‘And you assumed we were planning something heinous?’ Garak said, smiling a little. Miles looked away. The thought had crossed his mind, but he was not prepared to say it. ‘The man I contacted is a doctor. It was not the hospital that collapsed, but some makeshift homes outside the capital, because of a storm. It led to a riot. My friend had not been able to leave the hospital where he works for three days because of it.’ 

Miles bit his lip. 

‘That’s terrible,’ he said, feeling it was not enough. Garak was quiet for a moment, lost in thoughts. 

‘He urged me to leave,’ he said. ‘He was right to. Revolution is one thing. Rebuilding… quite another.’ 

‘What does that mean?’ Miles asked. 

‘Cardassia is better off without me. It deserves a clean break with the past, and I am too connected to the worst parts of it.’ He shrugged and continued, trying to sound casual. ‘And, for what it is worth, I am better off without Cardassia. The devastation…’ Without warning, his voice broke. He dipped his head, fighting to pull himself together. It was in some way more distressing than glimpsing the killer in him. 

‘Garak,’ Miles said, ‘you don’t have to tell me about this if you don’t want to.’ He was not sure if he wanted to hear. 

‘There is not much to tell,’ Garak said. ‘You were a soldier, Professor. You know what seeing things like that can do to a man.’ 

He did, all too well. He was not going to ask, but he would bet latinum on that one of the hyposprays in Garak’s case was for antidepressants. If it wasn’t, it probably should be. 

Garak took a deep breath, regaining his calm countenance. 

‘Besides, there were other reasons to leave. For my friend’s sake, if not mine. Much has changed in the past year, but it is still by no means… safe.’ 

It took a moment before Miles realised what he meant. 

‘Oh.’ 

‘Oh indeed,’ Garak said. Miles fumbled for the right thing to say. 

‘Your friend. That’s not really what he is to you, is he?’

Garak shook his head. 

’No.’ 

‘But he’s still on Cardassia Prime?’ 

‘Yes. I asked him to come with me,’ Garak said. ‘I begged him. But he wouldn’t. There are too many people who need his help.’

‘What’s his name?’ Miles asked. 

‘Kelas Parmak. You’d like him. He is a very honourable man. You would probably tell me that I don’t deserve him.’ 

‘I wouldn’t say that.’ 

‘Oh you’d be right.’ Garak smiled sadly. ‘I will continue trying to convince him. Eventually, he must come to understand that trying to help people who would not hesitate to see him dead is not worthwhile.’ 

Miles thought of the time Julian and he had been taken prisoner by the Jem’Hadar, and how desperate Julian had been to help them. He could feel Garak watching him. When he met his gaze, the openness he had seen when he spoke of Parmak was gone. The glint of manipulation was back. 

‘Tell me, Professor,’ he said. ‘When did you last speak to Julian?’

‘We spoke last week, but we were in touch yesterday.’ 

‘And how do you think he enjoys his new situation?’ 

‘What do you mean – new situation?’ 

‘He’s lonely. Increasingly so, I’d say. Why do you think he ended his relationship with Dax?’ 

‘I don’t know,’ Miles said, honestly. Until just now, he had not been sure who had ended it. Feeling he had to say something, he suggested: ‘All it was based on was a crush.’ 

‘You might be right about that,’ Garak said. ‘But I don’t think it’s everything there is. What Counsellor Dax said to me is that she thinks it was some kind of self-punishment. He is pushing people away. It’s the same reason why he then didn’t tell us about it.’ 

Miles sighed. 

‘Please, Garak, will you just tell it to me straight?’ 

‘An unfortunate choice of words.’ At Miles’ glare, Garak said: ‘When I said goodbye to Julian, I could see something inside him breaking. In my defence, I always encouraged him not to trust me. He knew that I might disappear suddenly. But you! I managed to wheedle quite a lot of information out of your lady wife yesterday. You waited a month before you told him that you were leaving him.’ 

‘I didn’t leave him,’ Miles said. ‘That I moved changed nothing between us.’ 

‘It changed where you were!’ Garak said. ‘We abandoned him, Miles. And not just him. Sisko is gone. Kira is commanding the station, but there is no Odo, no Keiko. She is just as lonely. The only difference is that she can deal with loneliness. Julian cannot.’ He leaned closer. ‘Don’t you see? We were wrong. This isn’t your home, and Cardassia isn’t mine. Our home is that godforsaken space station.’ 

‘I can’t move my family to the other side of the quadrant just because _I_ want to go,’ Miles said. Garak threw his head back and made a sound of frustration. 

‘Your daughter was crying about wanting to go home only two days ago! Yesterday, Keiko talked to me for half an hour about the root-structures of Bajoran shrubs, and after she talked to Colonel Kira, she sat down with the children and looked at pictures from when she lived with your family. Kirayoshi still recognises her, by the way. He calls her _api_. Do you know what that means in Bajoran? It means “mummy”. Did you think of that, that you were taking your son away from his mother?’ 

Miles shook his head, not knowing what to say. His throat had gone tight. 

‘Keiko is his mother.’ 

‘I don’t dispute that,’ Garak said. ‘But so is Kira.’ 

Miles wanted to argue. He wanted to shout and curse at him, to tell him that he had no right to say those things. This was not his family and where they lived or did was none of his business. 

‘We thought we were putting others before ourselves, you and I,’ Garak said. ‘I thought I could help the Cardassian people. You thought you could protect your family. I’m not saying we haven’t done good things – I have no doubt you have been an asset at the Academy, and I have helped people in need. But at the same time, I have served as a constant reminder of the Obsidian Order, and I have come close to getting my lover killed through my very presence several times. You never meant to hurt your family, but this is not where they belong. Not anymore.’ 

The tightness in his throat was getting worse. He bit his lip and swallowed, trying to will away the pricking in his eyes. Garak sat a little straighter, as though smelling the emotion on him. 

Miles rose. 

‘Excuse me.’ He left the room and hurried down the corridor, closing the bedroom door behind him.

The tears had taken him by surprise. He sank onto the bed, clapping his hand over his mouth to stifle the sobs. It made little difference. The room seemed to reverberate with the sound.

For the past year, he had pushed this feeling aside. Of course he missed Julian, but that longing had been part of him, like the ache in his damaged shoulder. He would not admit it, of course. Instead, a complex code had developed between the two men, a mainly written version of the banter they communicated by. Both knew that when they spoke of the Alamo or the Battle of Britain, they did not mean the holosuite programs or the historical events, but what they shared. 

Now, what he felt was more akin to having his ligaments torn and the arm yanked out of the socket. The air around him felt empty, because _he_ was not there. The longing pushed at him, threatening to break out of his body. It had been a year of being vague and brave-faced, and it was no longer enough. 

With that realisation, Miles seemed to see himself from the outside, sitting at the foot of the bed, weeping, just like Keiko had the day before. He knew with sudden clarity what she had felt when she insisted that nothing was wrong. Was this how they had spent the last year, unknowingly mirroring each other’s feelings while insisting to one another that they were fine? 

He looked around the room. On the top of the chest of drawers where they kept family photos – their wedding photo, snaps of family reunions and vacations, portraits of the kids as babies – there was a large framed picture, standing in the very middle. To the right sat Nerys, her arms around Keiko’s middle and her chin propped on her shoulder. Keiko was beaming, though Miles could see the dark rings around her eyes. Yoshi had only been a few weeks old and had been keeping them up. He was looking quite tired himself, but also very happy where he sat with Keiko on one side and Julian on the other. He held Keiko’s hand in his right, and had his left arm around Julian’s shoulders. Julian, smiling too, was even thinner than usual. The picture had been taken not long after his month-long incarceration by the Dominion. Looking at that photograph, Miles remembered how small he had seemed in his embrace when he had come back, and what a relief it had been as he started reclaiming his old shape. 

With a pang, he remembered what he had felt like when they had hugged goodbye at the airlock. His strong arms had encircled his back and his cheek had rested against his. He had been able to feel his ribs through his uniform. For a moment, he had thought he could feel his heartbeat. When they had pulled apart, they had not kissed. He had wanted to, and he had seen Julian pause, thinking about it, but then they had let go of each other. Miles covered his face with his hands. He had been leaving for good, and had not even kissed him goodbye. 

A strategy was fast forming in his mind. He made himself stand and forced a few deep breaths. After that, he went into the bathroom and washed his face, trying to remove the most immediate sign of crying. Forcing himself not to wonder if Garak was pleased with himself, he went to his office. It was more private than the kitchen, where the only other comm-unit capable of subspace communication was located. He got to work, tapping in identification numbers and access codes. It took ten minutes to set it up. After that, it was a matter of waiting for the link to be established. He leaned back in his chair and watched the progress ticking by on the screen. 

It took another fifteen minutes before the progress bar disappeared and was replaced by the Bajoran seal. A disembodied voice said: 

‘ _Tellus ΔΞ-048-93702, this is Deep Space Nine. Do you read?_ ’

‘Yes, loud and clear,’ Miles said. He recognised the voice. ‘Nog?’ 

‘ _Chief?_ ’ said Nog. ‘ _Chief O’Brien? Is that you?_ ’ 

‘Yes!’ He laughed. ‘Why are you on communications?’ 

‘ _Ensign Watson is on leave, Chief. We’re a bit short-handed._ ’ 

‘Alright for some,’ Miles said. ‘Look, I’m afraid I didn’t call to chat. I need to talk to Doctor Bashir.’ 

‘ _Sure thing, Chief. Just a moment._ ’ 

Miles leaned back in his chair to wait, then immediately sat up straight again. He tugged at his shirt and combed his fingers through his hair. 

The Bajoran emblem disappeared. In its place was a blurry, far too dark image. Despite the bad quality of the link, Miles felt his insides do a somersault at the sight of Julian. He had unbuttoned his uniform jacket and unzipped the collar a little; he must have just come back to his quarters after a shift. He was frowning, but at the same time he looked pleasantly surprised. 

‘Miles!’ The sound and visual was out of sync, but it was his face and his voice.

‘Hello,’ Miles said. 

‘Why are you calling? Has something happened?’ 

‘Not really,’ he said. ‘But I need to ask you something.’ 

Julian looked concerned now. 

‘Of course.’ 

‘Are you happy?’ 

Julian laughed, caught off guard. 

‘What kind of question is that?’ 

‘A yes or no one,’ Miles said. 

‘It’s a bit more complicated than that, Miles.’ 

‘Alright, fine.’ He chose his words more carefully. ‘Are you okay?’ 

Of course,’ Julian said, not missing a beat. ‘I’m fine.’ 

It sounded almost natural, but his voice was too light, his reply too fast. 

‘I heard that you and Ezri broke up,’ Miles said. 

Julian’s face fell. 

‘How?’ 

‘Keiko. She learned it from Nerys, months ago.’ He had to pause, not wanting to sound confrontative. ‘I’m concerned for you. Why did you keep this from me?’ 

Julian opened his mouth, then closed it. When he managed to speak, it was so quietly he could barely make it out.

‘I didn’t want you to worry.’

‘Julian, are you okay?’ Miles repeated. 

Even through the subspace interference, he could see how he bit his lower lip and shift in his chair. The sight of it made him feel cold. 

‘Not really,’ Julian whispered. 

Miles closed his eyes for a moment, collecting himself. When he looked back at the screen, he saw how Julian had crossed his arms across his chest. He was not sure, he thought he might be crying. Miles dismissed the first thing he wanted to say – _you should have told me_. That would only make him feel worse. 

‘I’m sorry,’ he said. Julian dipped his head. 

‘It’s not your fault,’ he said softly. Now Miles was certain he was weeping.

‘Do you want to talk about it?’ 

Julian changed position, folding one leg under himself and curling into the chair. His crossed arms relaxed and instead he hugged himself. 

‘I’m not sure what it is. Depression, I suppose. Possibly post-traumatic stress. It’s difficult to diagnose yourself.’ 

Miles sighed, feeling a mix of exasperation and affection. 

‘Julian, you can’t be your own doctor,’ he said. ‘Have you discussed this with someone?’

‘Doctor Girani, briefly, but I lost my nerve halfway through, so it didn’t really lead anywhere. I’ve seen one of the counsellors a few times. Probably not enough.’ He sniffed a little. ‘You don’t have to tell me that I need to.’ 

‘It’s not an easy thing to do.’ 

‘Yeah.’ 

Miles drew a deep breath. 

‘Julian?’

Julian looked up, shaken from his thoughts. 

‘Yes?’ 

‘I love you.’ 

Something pulled at his face. He put his hand over his mouth, fighting the sob. 

‘I don’t know if you’ve ever said that before,’ he said weakly. 

‘If I haven’t, that’s bad,’ Miles said. ‘It’s true. It has been for many years.’ 

Julian smiled, still struggling against the tears. 

‘I love you too.’ 

Miles smiled back. When the tears pricked his eyes, he did not fight them. He let them run, despite how the salt stung his skin. For a moment, it felt like they were sitting face to face. 

A bout of interference disrupted the visual feed. 

‘I think we’re going to get cut off,’ Julian’s voice said. 

‘It’s possible. Probably those solar flares in the Cygnus system.’ 

The visual feed came back, blurrier this time. Miles smiled at the image of Julian on the screen. 

‘You’ll take care of yourself, won’t you?’ 

He could make out how Julian smiled. 

‘I’ll try. You take care too.’ 

He raised his hand and blew him a kiss. Miles did the same, not even feeling silly. The Bajoran emblem came back, then disappeared as the subspace link closed. Miles sighed, glad but exhausted. In an ideal situation, he would have given himself to take a few minutes to clear his mind, but he felt there was no time. He typed in Keiko’s personal comm-code and waited. 

She picked up quickly, her smiling face appearing on the screen.

‘Hello there.’ 

‘Hi.’

He did not know if it was his face or his voice, but something betrayed him. Her smile disappeared. 

‘What’s the matter?’

He took a moment to collect himself. 

‘Are you busy?’ 

She frowned. 

‘Not really. Why?’ 

‘I don’t want you to drop anything you need to do,’ he said, ‘but I need to talk to you, and I think it might be a good idea to do it before the kids come home.’ 

Her concern changed to alarm. 

‘Miles, you’re scaring me.’ 

‘It’s nothing bad. I mean… it…’ He started over. ‘You don’t have to be scared. But I think we should talk.’ 

She bit her lip. 

‘Alright. I’ll come home.’ 

‘I could come to you…’ 

She shook her head. 

‘No, it’s alright. Stay where you are. I’ll be home in half an hour.’ 

‘Okay.’ 

‘See you soon.’ 

She ended the call. Miles leaned back and stared into the ceiling. For a moment, he worried that he had rushed into this – he was not good at waiting – but even when he turned it around in his mind, he could not see any alternative. 

That half-hour felt like the longest in his life. He took to pacing the length of the small study. Every now and then he stopped at the window, looking up and down the street for Keiko, then looking at the chronometre and realising she was still on her shuttle. Again he would pace, wondering if he had said too little or too much. 

When he finally saw her coming down the street at a run, he left the study. He reached the hallway just when she stepped in through the door. Her face was stiff with fear. Miles hurried over to her and hugged her. She hugged back, hard. When they let go of each other, Miles took her hand. Without speaking, she put down her bag and let him lead her upstairs. They did not let go of each other until they reached their bedroom and the door was closed behind them. For a long moment, they were silent, just looking at each other. Then, finally, Keiko looked away. 

‘Miles, please,’ she said. ‘Just say what’s wrong.’ 

He swallowed. 

‘I’m not happy here.’

She stared at him. When she did not answer, he continued: 

‘I have a feeling that you’re not happy either.’ 

She looked confused. 

‘But… I thought…’ She trailed off. 

‘Are you happy?’ he asked, for the second time in an hour. 

She sighed. With that sigh, all the pretence seemed to go out of her. 

‘No.’ She sat down on the bed, looking down at her clasped hands instead. ‘I’m not.’ 

Miles sat down beside her. 

‘For how long?’ 

‘I’m not sure,’ she said. ‘The first few months or so, I thought this would be good. I enjoyed being back on Earth. And then one day I just… didn’t.’ She turned to face him. ‘I felt so ungrateful, because I spent so much time telling you I wanted us to leave the station, and now we had, and I _hated_ it.’ 

‘It’s alright.’ He put his hand over hers. 

‘I’m so bored,’ she said. ‘Intellectually, I mean. I can name every single plant I see. There’s nothing new or exciting. All I have are my samples from my expeditions. I miss Bajor.’ 

Miles sighed. 

‘I know the feeling. I have this recurring dream where I’m in Ops and the internal sensors and the comm system and the tractor beam are all malfunctioning. And then I fix them.’ 

Keiko smiled a little. 

‘A year ago that would have been a nightmare.’ 

‘In a way, I suppose it still is,’ Miles said. ‘It’s pretty stressful. But it’s so vivid. All these little steps, all in the right order. It’s very satisfying. I always wake up in a good mood.’ 

Her smile broadened. 

‘I don’t think you’re bringing this up because you miss fixing the internal sensors, Miles.’ 

He sighed. 

‘No. I miss Julian. A lot.’ 

‘I know,’ she said. ‘It’s not hard to see.’ 

‘I talked to him today. I’m worried about him. I think Nerys was right. He’s… struggling.’

Keiko took his hand. 

‘In what way?’ 

‘I’m not sure,’ Miles said. ‘He said he thinks he’s depressed.’ 

‘You didn’t cause that by going away, and you can’t heal him by just being there,’ she said kindly. 

‘I know.’ It was far more complicated than that. ‘But maybe I could help. Even if it’s just by getting him out of his quarters for racquetball or darts or something. Making sure he has someone to talk to.’ He shrugged. ‘He was there when I needed him, and now when he needs me, I’m on the other side of the quadrant.’ 

Keiko put her arm around him and hugged him. 

‘Oh, Miles.’ 

He leaned his head against hers. 

‘You miss Nerys, don’t you?’ 

Keiko swallowed, as if trying to control her feelings. 

‘Yes. Very much.’ He could feel the tremble of an unsteady breath go through her. ‘I was afraid to say anything. I didn’t want you to think…’

Miles leaned away from her and took both her hands. 

‘Keiko, I’d never think that.’ She closed her eyes, trying to hold the tears in. ‘What we have with them doesn’t change what we have together.’ 

She nodded, still fighting the tears. 

‘I know. I know.’ She sniffed and said: ‘If I tell you this, will you promise not to think I’ve gone mad?’ 

Miles smiled. 

‘Alright.’ 

She let go of him and clasped her hands together instead. 

‘I read somewhere that sometimes, if you lose a child – a baby, while you’re still nursing – and you think about it, you lactate. I don’t know if it’s true. Probably not, I suppose. But…’ She gathered her thoughts. ‘Sometimes, when I think about Nerys, it’s like my scars hurt. Like I can feel the place where we were connected and I ripped us apart by leaving. And I know it’s completely impossible, but sometimes, Yoshi will do something, move in a way or say something, and I think I can see her.’

She sniffed and reached up to wipe her face. Miles took her hand and kissed it. 

‘That doesn’t sound mad at all.’ He felt about to cry again. He wove their fingers together. ‘You know, sometimes, when I pick him up, I think about when he was born, and how before any of us held him, before he was born, Julian held him.’ 

Keiko nodded. 

‘I’ve thought about that too.’ She bit her lip and looked him in the eye. ‘Miles, what have we done?’ she whispered. ‘They’re our family, and we left them.’ 

‘It’s my fault,’ he said. ‘I was the one who took this job…’ 

‘You just wanted to keep us together.’ 

‘Maybe that was it.’ He sighed. ‘It’s just… I was genuinely glad about the idea of moving back to Earth. Perhaps that didn’t have anything to do with the job or the place or even the danger. Perhaps I just… wanted to pretend we were ordinary.’ He took her hand. She met his gaze. 

‘You mean that it was just us?’ 

‘Yes.’ He searched for the right words. ‘When the war ended, leaving DS9 felt like the right thing to do. It was all going back to normal.’ Miles raked his fingers through his hair in frustration. ‘I hate admitting Garak might be right about something.’ 

Keiko frowned. 

‘What did he say to you?’ 

Miles took a breath to steady himself. 

‘You were right about that he’s not here to spy,’ he said. ‘He’s here for us.’ 

Keiko made a look somewhere between incredulity and alarm.

‘What do you mean?’ 

‘He’s left Cardassia. I think he’s going back to the station. He spent the best part of an hour trying to convince me that we should do that too.’ 

She hugged herself. Miles watched her for a long moment. 

‘Do you want to?’ he asked. 

‘We both have jobs here,’ she said. ‘I’ve got my students, you have your cadets.’ She looked at him. ‘How would you feel about giving up the Academy post?’ 

He thought about it. 

‘There are things I’ve enjoyed. The cadets are a good bunch. The practical side is fun. But lecturing? Marking papers? I don’t think I’m cut out for that. It’s very different to teaching Nog or Jake how to do repairs one-on-one. And there’s other things too. Being here was all about being together, but I keep having to be in San Francisco several days a week. Sometimes I feel like I’m away more than on DS9.’ 

She took his hand again. 

‘I hate that you’re away so much.’ She shrugged. ‘If only I’d got that job in Osaka…’ 

‘It would be the same,’ Miles said. ‘If we’d lived in Japan, I’d still be away, and if we’d lived in California, you’d be the one who would have to commute.’ He stroked her hair back. ‘I’ll resign from the Academy, if that’s what it takes.’ 

She bit her lip. 

‘You’d not get that opportunity again.’ 

‘I don’t mind,’ he said. ‘What about you? You were so excited about this fellowship…’ 

She sighed. 

‘I enjoy it most of the time, but…’ She made a frustrated sound. ‘It’s so _musty_. I just can’t stop thinking about those valleys we charted on Bajor. I keep looking at my samples and think, what did I miss? I can’t have taken samples of more than a fifth of the plants there.’ 

Miles thought about it. 

‘The kids are still settling in,’ he said. ‘Would it really be fair to uproot them again? These past few years, we’ve moved them so many times…’ 

‘I don’t know,’ Keiko admitted. ‘But Molly is not happy. And Yoshi… in the long run, how happy is he going to be with an unhappy sister and unhappy parents?’ 

Miles nodded. He could see her point. 

‘Do you think Yoshi misses Nerys?’ 

‘I think so. He just can’t really articulate it.’ 

Miles sighed. He should have seen it before and not have had to have Garak point it out to him. 

‘What about their education?’ he asked. 

Keiko thought about it. They had spent a lot of time on finding the schools they had enrolled them in, working on the assumption that they would live in Dublin until the children went off to university. 

‘The Starfleet computers have a good curriculum,’ she said. ‘And from what Nerys has said, there are plenty more families on the station nowadays. Starfleet might even send a teacher there. And, if nothing else, there are schools on Bajor.’ 

‘True.’ 

They sat in silence, holding hands. Keiko leaned her head against his shoulder. 

‘So what do we do?’ she asked.

***

It was early morning, and the Promenade was all but empty. Quark’s would not open for another hour, and the breakfast crowd had not yet turned up at the Replimat. The shops were locked up, but many were shuttered, not reopened since the end of the war. The silence was broken by the infirmary doors opening and the sound of light, quick footsteps.

Unsure of the urgency of the call, Julian sprinted to the airlock. He slowed to a stop when he saw only one person there. Colonel Kira was standing at the geared door, her stance as military as ever. 

‘Good morning, Colonel.’ 

She looked over at him. 

‘Doctor. Good morning.’ She glanced at the medical kit he had slung over his shoulder. ‘Is there trouble onboard?’ 

‘I’m not sure,’ he admitted. ‘Are you waiting for someone?’ 

‘I got a communication from the commander of the _Penelope_ asking me to be here when she docked.’ 

‘That’s funny,’ he said. ‘So did I. It didn’t say why though, so I thought perhaps someone was taken ill.’ 

They looked at each other. 

‘Do you think this is something hush-hush from Starfleet?’ Julian asked. 

‘It’s possible,’ Kira said. ‘I’d much rather it was that than one of Quark’s pranks.’ 

Her comm-badge beeped.

‘ _Ops to Colonel Kira._ ’ 

‘Kira here,’ she said. 

‘ _The_ Penelope _has finished docking, sir._ ’ 

‘Thank you, Ensign.’ 

Julian could hear the airlocks move. He shifted the medkit’s strap to a better point on his shoulder. Beside him, Kira straightened and put her hands behind her back. Through the glass, they could see people moving closer. One by one, the doors rolled to the side. The final door opened with a groan. The passengers spilled onto the promenade. Three Starfleet ensigns, a group of Bolians, several Vedeks, a Vulcan family of four. The crowd thinned. Julian and Kira exchanged a puzzled look. 

An echo drifted from the corridor leading to the airlock. The metal floor rang with the sound of small footsteps. Then they saw the child. Kira drew a sharp breath. Before Julian could be sure he was not seeing things, the girl ran the last distance, jumped through the door and threw her arms around him. 

For a moment, he stood frozen. Then reason kicked in. He peeled away the arms and crouched down. 

‘Molly, what are you doing here?’ he said, grabbing her shoulders. ‘Where are your parents?’

‘Surprise!’ Molly said. She smiled broadly and pointed to a gap in her teeth. ‘Look, I lost a tooth yesterday. It was loose for _ages_.’ 

He laughed. Before he had time to say anything else, Molly had broken loose of his grip and shouted: 

‘Aunt Nerys!’ 

Kira was visibly shaking, but she leaned down and hugged Molly hard. Beside her, Julian got to his feet and looked towards the airlock. Voices echoed down the corridor, carrying all the way to the Promenade.

‘But they’re all guilty of the same thing – that’s not how it’s supposed to go!’ 

‘It’s an Earth crime novel, not an enigma tale.’ 

‘But it’s so inelegant.’ 

‘No, it’s genius! It’s her best one.’ 

‘Then she really must be dreadful.’

He knew those voices, the cadence and the tone. It felt like the entire space station lurched around him and the gravity had suddenly stopped working. 

The last passengers came into view. A Cardassian, a toddler sitting on his arm, walking in between two humans. 

‘By the Prophets,’ Kira murmured. Letting go of Molly, she rushed into the airlock corridor. She collided with Keiko, hard, almost knocking the breath out of her. They both laughed, and Yoshi shouted ‘ _api_!’ Kira let go of Keiko only long enough to take the child in her arms. Miles smiled at her, and Garak patted her on the shoulder. Then they both looked away from her, and Julian felt himself pinned under their gaze. 

They must have moved, but he did not see it. His eyes were full of tears, turning the world into a blur. The next thing he knew, he was being embraced by them both. Miles rested his head against Julian’s left shoulder, and Garak rested his against Julian’s right. He hugged them back and laughed. His throat hurt and the tears blinded him, but still he laughed. He could have held onto them forever. It was they who loosened their grip on him, but they did not let go. 

‘What – how…?’ he asked, unable to form a whole sentence.

‘I said we should call ahead,’ Miles said. ‘But Garak thought this would be more dramatic.’ 

‘You have to admit, it had the desired effect,’ Garak said. 

Julian looked from one to the other, then kissed them, first Miles, then Garak, full on the mouth.

‘What the hell are you doing here? Together? You live on opposite sides of the quadrant! How were you on the same shuttle from Starbase 48?’ 

‘It’s not a coincidence,’ Garak admitted. 

‘He swung by Earth,’ Miles said. 

‘Just to see the sights.’ 

‘To give me and Keiko a kick in the arse.’ 

Julian laughed again, still very confused. 

‘Please someone explain this to me,’ he said. Keiko came over and hugged him. 

‘Miles has resigned from the Academy,’ she said. ‘And I’m on leave.’ 

‘And I thought I’d do something about the sartorial standards of this place,’ Garak said. ‘I’m sure they’ve deteriorated in my absence.’

Julian looked at Garak and the O’Briens, and then exchanged a look with Kira. 

‘You’re back?’ Kira said. 

‘As long as Starfleet doesn’t mind,’ Miles said. 

Julian bit his lip, the tears overwhelming him. Garak handed him a handkerchief. Miles gave him a one-armed hug. Keiko smiled and put her arm around Kira, who was still holding onto Yoshi. 

A small hand slipped into his. Julian looked down. Molly was gazing up at him.

‘Can we have breakfast and then visit Chester?’ Molly asked. He smiled, looking at them all and then back at her. 

‘Yes,’ he said. ‘We can definitely do that.’


End file.
